It's been over a week and a half now

Since I applied for some of my jobs. I know they can take a while, its just that I'm not exactly a wait around kind of person.

So I applied for another job today. Though, currently I'm not sure if it's gone through or not. I applied for it via the internet, so shouldn't I have technically speaking gotten an email from the company telling me they got the job application, or is it something only some companies do?

Ah, I don't know. I'll leave it for today and check tomorrow, it is getting really late.

It just really depresses me when I notice how broke I am, and how much I clearly need to get a job, so I'm applying anywhere I can, everywhere I can for as many hours as possible.

It's sad actually. I hate being to broke and vulnerable.

But on the plus side its finally Easter holiday.

It's not much of a holiday though, with the ever looming presence of the exams, I find that this is NOT going to be a holiday, rather its going to be revision, revision, revision.

I hate how this Easter and next Easter are going to be the same. I'm not sure about Uni, that is if I ever get into University. I'm not with the current report card I've brought home.

You see, I work really really hard on my school work. Harder than most kids and I don't want to explain to my parents that I'm not doing that good in school. I've got two D's and two C's, and to be honest with you that's not going to get me into any University that I want.

It just depresses me that I work so hard for something and it doesn't pay off. I work so hard, harder than most, and everyone else seems to be flying by me.

I just hate how everyone else can get A's in the subjects but I get Ds even though I've probably worked a lot harder on the work than they have. Does anybody understand where I'm coming from? I seriously feel like crying from all the stress I'm feeling. I hate, hate, hate how thick I am. I'm not the least bit intellectual in the world.

I don't want to tell my parents that I'm not doing any good because they'll have a go at me, and I'll have to tell them that I'm having trouble's focusing in class, that sometimes when I look at numbers they look different to me than to anybody else. That I hate how everyone else in the class understands Maths whereas I'm still struggling. I hate how everyone else in the class gan get A's whereas I'm still struggling to get a C.

It's just depressing.

I hate to talk about what depresses me because it makes me even more depressed. I'll have to do some creative writing to maybe lighten my mood. It usually does.

I just hate it. Hate how everyone else seems to have an advantage over me. It's always been the same though. People think I'm smarter than I actually am. I can't stand it.

I hate being so fucking depressed over it. I can't stand it.

It just shows to me that I'm definitely not going to be showing my report this year to my parents. I'll make up some lye about it. They can survive one year, anyway, at least they'll see the marks at the end of the year. That can be more of a report to them.

I'll have to think of one soon because Sara will be getting hers soon. Then the questions for mine will start coming. I might have to come clean and say I've had it for a while and I didn't want to give it to them because its so bad.

Anyway, I'm off, leaving you on this clearly depressing note.