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To be honest with you. I'm quite upset.

I hate how some people just have the natural talent of being smart and don't have to do anything and all the answers just come to them. I'm like the complete opposite of this, I work my ass off most days for hours and I still don't get anything higher than a C grade in classes. I've got loads of D's this year, and I don't think I've worked any harder on work in my entire life. It just really upsets me when people like my sister, who hardly does any work in school, comes home with report cards for A*'s and such.

I think it upsets me more often than not because I'm really jealous. I'm a really slow learner and things just don't stick. I'm distracted in lesson all the time, I can't focus on anything for a long period of time. The only thing I have close to me is my writing.

That's probably one of the reasons why I get really angry when someone else in my family confesses to be writing fiction as well. I sorta claim writing to be something that I want to do and no one else can do it. I do it because I'm afraid that that person will do a better job than me even though I've worked on it for so much longer than them.

For example. I've been reading and writing for as long as I remember, when people ask me what was my favourite TV show as a kid, I have nothing to say to them because I was reading some book, or writing something, and it really makes me feel out of it. But writing has always been something I loved, so when your older brother starts to take an interest into reading/writing at 17 years old, with no clue about the type on industry he wants to get into, or the dedication that goes along with it, it just really pisses me off. He's always challenging me about all these books he wants to read. Honestly, he's only read like 3 books in his entire life and claims to be like some literary genius, I mean, I know I haven't read every book in my life, and I know my writing isn't the best in the world, but its the only thing that I can call 'mine', you know?

But I guess, no one wants to hear of my insecurities, right? I mean, he fact that everyone seems to be smarter than me has nothing to do with the way my life is constructed, and my emotions as a person. Is it normal to be heavily distracted inside and outside of lessons? And be a slow person all together? I mean, it's become more apparent lately, but I've always been distracted and I can't focus on one thing for too long. My dad, he has tourette's syndrome could that be a reason why I'm slow, random, distracted and so on? It just makes me so confused that I don't know what to do about it any more.

Like when I write my blogs at night these days I'll get distracted and go somewhere else and remember I have to be writing here, then like five minutes later my mind will be somewhere else, its common for me, as I've grown up with it, but as I become more aware of how people around me act, I kinda get the feeling that I act completely different from the people around me.

Anyway, enough ranting from me, one last thing though, PIZZA HUT STILL HAVEN'T GOTTEN BACK TO ME! Admittedly this is only like the 2nd day, but I can't help my get my hopes up that I'll even be considered for the job!