So I thought today would be a pretty happy day considering that it's my 100th blog post, but obviously, as usual I was wrong.
We sat a full English Language exam this week in lessons, and I knew from the instant I looked at it I was not going to do any good in it. And I didn't.
- I looked at my report card. Fail.
- Pizza Hut isn't replying to me.
- I'm in desperate need for a job.
- I'm not allowed out to town tomorrow.
- Everyone just seems to be that much smarter than me.
And to put the cherry on the cake. My mum and Dad promised to take Sara and me to Ikea tomorrow, they decided to go today, they even asked if I wanted to mitch school to go with them, even after I told them that I couldn't because of an English exam I was doing.
It just really shows to you how much attention you get in your family, does it not?
That really aggravated me today. This week has not been an easy week for me. I don't know why, but hopefully, I've gotten all the bad days I'm going to get out of me for a while now so that maybe soon everything will start looking up. Maybe I'll do well in my exams. Hopefully. Currently, I'm ruling out the idea of EVER GOING TO UNIVERSITY, because that's how bad I'm doing in school at the moment. I hate the fact that I work so hard for something and it never goes right for me.
I hate that nothing ever goes right for me, I can't get a job, I can't get good marks in school. I can't get anything. I'm constantly stressed with school, and I don't know what to do about it. I'm always jealous of everyone else's ability to be a fast learner whereas I'm such a slow learner.
I hate it.
I seriously can't stand my life at the moment, it's just proving to be more and more pointless as the days go on. I'm not getting good grades in school, which means I'm not going to go to university, which means I'm never going to write a book because I'll be stuck in some dead end job struggling to afford anything.
I'll never be loved. I'll never have kids. I'll never have anything.
I hate how life just throws these harsh realities at me.
I hate how everything is just a harsh reality. I just want one thing, well two things in my life to go well, a good job and a good education, but no matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to make anything work.
I'm just a failure.
I just need to accept the fact that I'm never going to amount to anything in my life. I'll become a tramp on the street begging for money. I'll have little 14 year olds laughing at me because I haven't showered for days on end. I'll never be an author like I want to be.
I'll never be anything.
This was supposed to be a happy blog, wasn't it? Considering it's my 100th and all, I'm just really depressed, tired, stressed etc etc. I just don't know what to do with myself anymore.
I'm literally losing the will to go on. I'm losing the motivation to even try anything anymore. I just wish sometimes my life was like something out of fiction, where there is always a happy ending. There's never going to be a happy ending for me.
So that concludes our oh so happy 100th blog. See ya soon. I'm sure things will turn around eventually.
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