Life just seemed to have something against me

You see, I found out today, that my friend, who went to the same job interview as me on Thursday has already been offered a job.

That was her first ever job interview and she got the job interview because she knew the guy who was going to be the manager there.

I don't know about you right. But I just find the world to be a very unfair place. It seems like everything is against me at the moment. Other people can get a job without trying and I can never seem to get one. After days and days of searching, application after application, interview after interview. I never seem to get anywhere with it.

It's just a sad thing, really.

Maybe I should just stop trying, and then maybe I'll get a job then. Because it looks like my brother, who didn't even look for this job, my mother got the application forms and didn't even think of the job itself, seems to have the job too.

Someone up there must be cruelly laughing at me, and how much pain he seems to be causing me. I keep trying to look at the upside to it all. That something good will eventually come of all the struggle's. That one day something good will just happen to me.

And when I feel like it's in my grasp, that I could definitely get somewhere after everything I've been through. It gets ripped from my grasp and there's someone out there laughing at my tears as everything around me crumbles and I'm forced to pick the pieces up. Forced to cover what I'm truly feeling from my friends and laugh it all off and pretend that I don't care that they rejected me, when it all honesty I do feel hurt that they rejected me.

Then it all leads to the question that haven't I suffered enough? That when I was raped repeatedly, and everything is now being taken from me, that I still haven't suffered enough in someone else's eyes?

I don't even know why I bother anymore. Why I bother trying to be hopeful, why I bother to look happy for the people around me when I know I'm not.

I don't even know why I bother with life anymore. It's crossed my mind more than once, if nothing seems to be going my way, that I never seem tog et one shred of good luck, why don't I just end it? Stop the hurt, the worry, and just forget about the cruelty of life.

But I don't. Mainly because I know I'm too much of a coward to take my own life. That I hold on to material things too much. The small things I get in life are the things that I hold onto. They are the only things keeping me on this planet.

I don't want to feel like this anymore. I just want all the pain to go away, and the heavy feeling in my heart to disappear.

The only way to look up from here is, at least things can't get any worse. That there's no further than rock bottom.

I just don't understand life.

Earlier on today, I couldn't think of a reason why I hadn't just given up on life and taken it away from myself. I couldn't think of one reason to hold on to life.

I have to go now.

Night!