So...

I didn't get the job in Marks and Spencer. It's all good. I know where I went wrong because the woman told me where I went wrong, so the next time I apply for a job there, I now know how to ace the test there...

I guess I should feel a little more disappointed than what I am, I don't though, I'm just used to rejection by now.

Anyway, I guess in a blog it's kinda expected for you to talk about your feelings. You know? Being at one with yourself and all that crap. So I figure I should talk about them.

So, I've been feeling kind of down lately. I don't know what's wrong with me, I've just been feeling a little depressed. Well, more depressed than what I usually am. I feel like my happiness today has been really forced. Though I'm constantly tired all the time, that probably has a really big part in why I've been feeling down lately. I'm also probably not getting out of the house enough...

Anyway, so, I don't think that's there's really a big reason for me to be feeling depressed. I mean, sure, I haven't had the best past in the world, but shouldn't I move on? Should I be stuck in the past all the time? I want to open up more to people. I want to be able to tell them that the reason why I don't let people hug me, touch me, or whatever, is because of bad experiences. I'm pretty positive that that shouldn't change what people think of me, right? I shouldn't care about what people think about me, but I do.

Sometimes, I feel like my life is spirally out of control, but then I remember that what happened isn't going to happen again. I shouldn't be thinking about it. The rest of the family pretends like it never happened, so maybe I should move on like them... but it wasn't them who were suffering. They don't have the memories of what happened. It's easy enough for them to move on with their daily life and think it was some big dream, one that should never be mentioned again.

I want to feel like that, that that part of my life is just some big horrible nightmare and nothing more and shouldn't invade my mind every time I'm alone.

I feel really stupid when I mention all this stuff on my blog. Sure, I only mention is a few times, but I feel like I'm repeating the same point over and over again.

I think I've bored people enough, right? So, I'll just leave you there, I know it's kinda half thoughts on here today and I was going to write the new chapter of DYRM, time just seemed to pass me by...

I'm determined to finish it though. I'm not just going to leave it where it is...

So, I'm off to bed now...

Night!