Currently. I mean, there's this huge pain spreading from the forehead, right down to the base of my skull and slowly getting down my back and arms.
I can't sit up quick, I can't do much really.
The cherry on the top though is I feel like complete and utter crap.
So, do you want me to tell you about my experiences in Ben 10: Alien Force?
Probably not, but to make it last the 54 minutes I have to wait before I can watch some new episodes, I'm going to do it anyway.
So, basically, since I've been home ill, that's all that's been on TV is Ben 10. I mean, I'm going to be honest here, I used to be a big fan of Ben 10, I just sorta grew out of the phase. I grew out of it when Alien Force was just beginning. I thought the idea of Alien Force was really stupid and didn't really give it much thought past the first five minutes of the episode.
But needless to say. I've been watching these trailers fro the new series of Ben 10 and I've been kinda interested in seeing what's been going on.
Which leads me to my current situation.
I've been watching Ben 10: Alien Force non-stop since the first episode. I never realised how addictive it used to be. I mean, watching nearly 2 seasons of it isn't really much when every season is 13 episodes long. But when you take into consideration that the site I'm watching it only lets you watch 70-odd minutes before telling you to come back in an hour or so.
It sucks really, but I don't really use the site enough to buy their premium membership to be able to watch things unlimited. I'm not in a big rush to finish the show.
But yeah, the show has actually been quite interesting so far. I like how it's actually developed a plot over the episodes, unlike the first series. So, I know it's all working towards some sort of goal. Currently, I'm on the finale of the second season. The beginning of the battle with the HighBreeds and the DNAliens.
Though I know how it all ends it's nice to see how everything plays out. Know what I mean? So I'm planning on finishing the second season tonight before going to bed and then watching the third season tomorrow.
Then I have my job interview on Saturday.
Good times, eh? Good times.
That's something I could do for a while is a little research into the company. I've read on some websites that Greggs mainly focuses on values during the interview, so I think I need to brush up on those before going. I could do i now whilst I'm waiting.
I think this is the first form of a blog I've done for a long time, you know, one where I actually post what I'm feeling at this current moment in time.
And yeah, I never realised how many blog posts I'd actually made. It's what 275-odd now. Isn't that amazing? It feels like only yesterday I was getting excited for reason 100. I thought I'd get some kind of notification or some kind of attention for reaching that big number. I'd obviously guessed wrong. Maybe when I reach number 1,000 I'll get some special prize... right? Or maybe some recognition for the hours I spend on this site and blog all the time.
Not that I'm complaining about doing it. When I blog I get all my thoughts together, and it's like I'm thinking straight for once in my life.
I also remember the time when I used to post like 3 sentence blogs. Or how it used to take me like an hour to post a blog this long. It takes me about 10 minutes these days. It's probably a sign that my typing is getting a bit faster.
At least that's one thing that's come out of this blog, right?
I love how this blog has gone from my illness, to Ben 10, to reminiscing on the past.
I remember being real secretive about what I posted on blogger too. I don't care anymore. It's not like someone in middle the street is going to go 'Oh, my God, you write that blog on blogger, don't you?'...
Yeah, highly unlikely when I don't even post pictures of myself.
I could look like whatever you want me to look like.
I might not even be a real person, but a fictional character created for the purpose of masking who I really am...
Though, you'd have to be real imaginative to have come to that conclusion...
So I can assure you, I'm not fictional...
Or am I?
Lol.
I'll just be going now.
I've probably annoyed enough people as it is with how long this blog post is...
Night!
Thursday, 30 September 2010
Wednesday, 29 September 2010
It looks like
It's back to school for me tomorrow, and to be quite honest with you, I'm quite apathetic about it. I don't really care. I'm just really, really pissed off with staying at home minding kids. I mean, there was literally no point in Jess being home today. She pulled a sad face for Mam and Dad, but the second they left, she was rolling around in happiness.
Then she wouldn't stop bugging me. I mean, I wasn't feeling 100% myself, and she just made everything ten times worse.
In fact, I'm viewing going back to school as some form of salvation....
Not much else to say really.
Job interview Saturday. Still haven't heard back from WHSmith.
Hopefully I'll hear back from them....
Night!
Then she wouldn't stop bugging me. I mean, I wasn't feeling 100% myself, and she just made everything ten times worse.
In fact, I'm viewing going back to school as some form of salvation....
Not much else to say really.
Job interview Saturday. Still haven't heard back from WHSmith.
Hopefully I'll hear back from them....
Night!
Tuesday, 28 September 2010
Did I tell you?
That I stayed home yesterday to mind my ill younger brother and sister?
In case I didn't say it, you know now. I stayed home from school yesterday to mind my ill brother and sister.
But take a wild guess what happened?
I got ill myself. So that meant I was home ill myself today. Irony sucks, right? I don't understand how parents do it. Stay at home with their ill children and not get ill themselves. It must be some immunity thing you get when you have children. That or my immune system is just weak....
But anyway, I've kinda been having problems with my blogger account lately. Has anyone else? It keeps coming up with these error messages and I really don't know if it's my computer or blogger itself.
It's probably me, but hey! Shit happens.
And oh, yeah, I have another job interview coming up. With Greggs, I've also applied for a job in WHSmiths, so I'm hoping to hear back from them too...
But yeah, there's a small issue with this Greggs interview. It says the interview will be held in Oxford street. There are two Greggs on Oxford street. I guess I'll have to give them a call and find out which one I really have to go to. Otherwise I'll make a fool of myself. Better to do it now than later, right?
Anyway, I'm beyond tired... as per normal.
So, I'm going to bed.
And hoping to get chapter 31 done soon. I'm just sorta conflicted on what's going to happen. I had this thing all planned out, but I'm sorta rethinking it all now...
Night!
In case I didn't say it, you know now. I stayed home from school yesterday to mind my ill brother and sister.
But take a wild guess what happened?
I got ill myself. So that meant I was home ill myself today. Irony sucks, right? I don't understand how parents do it. Stay at home with their ill children and not get ill themselves. It must be some immunity thing you get when you have children. That or my immune system is just weak....
But anyway, I've kinda been having problems with my blogger account lately. Has anyone else? It keeps coming up with these error messages and I really don't know if it's my computer or blogger itself.
It's probably me, but hey! Shit happens.
And oh, yeah, I have another job interview coming up. With Greggs, I've also applied for a job in WHSmiths, so I'm hoping to hear back from them too...
But yeah, there's a small issue with this Greggs interview. It says the interview will be held in Oxford street. There are two Greggs on Oxford street. I guess I'll have to give them a call and find out which one I really have to go to. Otherwise I'll make a fool of myself. Better to do it now than later, right?
Anyway, I'm beyond tired... as per normal.
So, I'm going to bed.
And hoping to get chapter 31 done soon. I'm just sorta conflicted on what's going to happen. I had this thing all planned out, but I'm sorta rethinking it all now...
Night!
Monday, 27 September 2010
So, I totally
Nearly had a heart attack, or whatever I called it for nothing.
Do you want to know why?
I didn't go to school today.
You see, my younger brother and youngest sister have been ill all weekend and my mum was giving them the day off. My dad thought it'd be okay to take the day off. He forgot he had some big presentation to do at work. My mam couldn't get the day off either. So, guess who had to stay at home with them?
Yep.
You guessed right.
Me.
So, I've been at home today doing nothing but breaking up arguments, serving tea, food of any kinds, looking after Jess, cleaning up her diarrhea and then make sure she was feeling alright.
Meaning any kinds of homework I'd been planning to catch up on was thrown out the window.
So, I've got nothing done. I feel sick myself, and it's just been an overall crappy day...
It didn't help that I couldn't go to sleep until like 3 o'clock this morning. It was one of those things where you're really tired before going to bed, the suddenly the second you actually get to bed, turn off the light and start settling down. You're wide awake again.
Yeah, it sucks as much as it sounds...
Moving on.
I'm going to bed now...
Extra tired because I didn't get my proper nights sleep...
Night!
Do you want to know why?
I didn't go to school today.
You see, my younger brother and youngest sister have been ill all weekend and my mum was giving them the day off. My dad thought it'd be okay to take the day off. He forgot he had some big presentation to do at work. My mam couldn't get the day off either. So, guess who had to stay at home with them?
Yep.
You guessed right.
Me.
So, I've been at home today doing nothing but breaking up arguments, serving tea, food of any kinds, looking after Jess, cleaning up her diarrhea and then make sure she was feeling alright.
Meaning any kinds of homework I'd been planning to catch up on was thrown out the window.
So, I've got nothing done. I feel sick myself, and it's just been an overall crappy day...
It didn't help that I couldn't go to sleep until like 3 o'clock this morning. It was one of those things where you're really tired before going to bed, the suddenly the second you actually get to bed, turn off the light and start settling down. You're wide awake again.
Yeah, it sucks as much as it sounds...
Moving on.
I'm going to bed now...
Extra tired because I didn't get my proper nights sleep...
Night!
Sunday, 26 September 2010
I just had a near heart attack.
You see, my computer has a really crappy battery. It like shuts down on itself the second I take it off charge.
And me being me, I sometimes accidently knock the charger.
That was basically the set up for the story... see, I've slaved for hours over this one piece of homework for school tomorrow, I hadn't saved it, and bam. I knock it off the charger and the computer went dead.
Seriously, my face must have been a picture. I was like :O:O:O Then, I went into panic mode and prayed and prayed to anyone that my work was put onto recovery.
That was probably the worst 5 minutes of my life.
Luckily, my work was saved onto recovery. I got my work and the first thing I did was save it...
So yeah, that's basically all the news I have today...
Night!
And me being me, I sometimes accidently knock the charger.
That was basically the set up for the story... see, I've slaved for hours over this one piece of homework for school tomorrow, I hadn't saved it, and bam. I knock it off the charger and the computer went dead.
Seriously, my face must have been a picture. I was like :O:O:O Then, I went into panic mode and prayed and prayed to anyone that my work was put onto recovery.
That was probably the worst 5 minutes of my life.
Luckily, my work was saved onto recovery. I got my work and the first thing I did was save it...
So yeah, that's basically all the news I have today...
Night!
Saturday, 25 September 2010
The idea of going to University
Becomes more and more daunting as the days go on. I mean, it's only now truly sinking in that we're going to University next year. I'd never admit it to my friends, but I'm really starting to get scared.
One of the main issues with me is that I won't make friends. I'll admit it, I'm socially awkward, it's probably due to bad childhood experiences, but it's really hard to get over the fact that I'm really, really nervous around people. I just don't know what to say. It's like I'm mute sometimes. It just takes me a while to open up to people.
It frustrates people, I know, that I'm not as conversational as 'normal' people are. I'm not exactly a conversation-starter either, I just add my two cents whenever I feel like I need to.
So, making friends is usually the main fear I have. I mean, I hear that you make friends like immediately, but I'm not sure I will. It's a self-conscious thing I guess.
Moving on...
So, another daunting task with Universities is choosing the right University. So, Birmingham has always been my first choice for a while. Kingston now comes up in close second. I'm sending away for Scholarship information with Aberystwyth and Bangor sounds pretty good too.
But then there's the fact that I have like 5 more prospectuses to come through yet and I could just prefer all those 5 Universities and... Gah. So, I can't really say which ones I really want to say yes to or not yet...
But anyway, apart from all this University madness, I have a full school life to be worrying about. I have loads of essays to be doing and a load of reading to be doing. I feel like my life is currently getting steam-rolled over. At least by July next year all my worries will be over and I won't have anything to worry about. Until August comes around of course and then I have University to worry about all over again...
But anyway...
As you can probably tell, my stress levels are pretty high...
Night!
One of the main issues with me is that I won't make friends. I'll admit it, I'm socially awkward, it's probably due to bad childhood experiences, but it's really hard to get over the fact that I'm really, really nervous around people. I just don't know what to say. It's like I'm mute sometimes. It just takes me a while to open up to people.
It frustrates people, I know, that I'm not as conversational as 'normal' people are. I'm not exactly a conversation-starter either, I just add my two cents whenever I feel like I need to.
So, making friends is usually the main fear I have. I mean, I hear that you make friends like immediately, but I'm not sure I will. It's a self-conscious thing I guess.
Moving on...
So, another daunting task with Universities is choosing the right University. So, Birmingham has always been my first choice for a while. Kingston now comes up in close second. I'm sending away for Scholarship information with Aberystwyth and Bangor sounds pretty good too.
But then there's the fact that I have like 5 more prospectuses to come through yet and I could just prefer all those 5 Universities and... Gah. So, I can't really say which ones I really want to say yes to or not yet...
But anyway, apart from all this University madness, I have a full school life to be worrying about. I have loads of essays to be doing and a load of reading to be doing. I feel like my life is currently getting steam-rolled over. At least by July next year all my worries will be over and I won't have anything to worry about. Until August comes around of course and then I have University to worry about all over again...
But anyway...
As you can probably tell, my stress levels are pretty high...
Night!
Friday, 24 September 2010
It's been a long day
So, my day started out pretty good. I woke up relatively awake, for once in my life. I usually go back to sleep for like half an hour before waking up properly, but that's besides the point.
Then, I was gonna play truancy for my free lessons from 10:40 onwards. My lessons finished early today, so I was actually leaving the school by 10:15. But moving on, the only thing on my list of things do otherwise, was go down to the Uplands to get my book that I ordered for school.
Sadly, none of this went to plan when my brother, who's recently gone to University phones up with Bank trouble, meaning my parents have to drive all the way up to Cardiff to pick him up, then they come back. Take him to the bank and drop my off to get my book. We drive back up to pick him up. Come home.
I then sulk around the house for a bit as I usually do. The about 2:30, I decide I'm really tired. Well, I don't decide it, the thought had been nagging on to the back of my head for a while, so I decide to go to sleep. I get woken up my mum at around 4:00 to help do the dinner.
We're eating by about 5:00, then as soon as we finish, we're all hauled off to Cardiff to take Sam back to University (he needed help with stuff to carry...), then we come back home. Eat some cake (it was my Dad's birthday). Then, we have a cup of tea and I come up to my room.
I log onto my computer, do my routine job checks.
Look at the clock, and my body decides again that it's really tired, even though it's like only 9:30.
I go to brush my teeth, I come back, check my emails. Start this blog. Stop typing my blog after about the first sentence and start playing this game on my computer called 'Dots', which conveniently I haven't played for years. I start reminiscing.
Come back to blog and type all that I'm typing now.
So, it seems like a long day to me, though it probably wasn't in all fairness. I think it was the trip to Cardiff and back...
But anyway, before I start blogging about what I'm blogging about, I think I should say good night!
Night!
Then, I was gonna play truancy for my free lessons from 10:40 onwards. My lessons finished early today, so I was actually leaving the school by 10:15. But moving on, the only thing on my list of things do otherwise, was go down to the Uplands to get my book that I ordered for school.
Sadly, none of this went to plan when my brother, who's recently gone to University phones up with Bank trouble, meaning my parents have to drive all the way up to Cardiff to pick him up, then they come back. Take him to the bank and drop my off to get my book. We drive back up to pick him up. Come home.
I then sulk around the house for a bit as I usually do. The about 2:30, I decide I'm really tired. Well, I don't decide it, the thought had been nagging on to the back of my head for a while, so I decide to go to sleep. I get woken up my mum at around 4:00 to help do the dinner.
We're eating by about 5:00, then as soon as we finish, we're all hauled off to Cardiff to take Sam back to University (he needed help with stuff to carry...), then we come back home. Eat some cake (it was my Dad's birthday). Then, we have a cup of tea and I come up to my room.
I log onto my computer, do my routine job checks.
Look at the clock, and my body decides again that it's really tired, even though it's like only 9:30.
I go to brush my teeth, I come back, check my emails. Start this blog. Stop typing my blog after about the first sentence and start playing this game on my computer called 'Dots', which conveniently I haven't played for years. I start reminiscing.
Come back to blog and type all that I'm typing now.
So, it seems like a long day to me, though it probably wasn't in all fairness. I think it was the trip to Cardiff and back...
But anyway, before I start blogging about what I'm blogging about, I think I should say good night!
Night!
Thursday, 23 September 2010
University
Is a constant nag at the back of everyone's mind. Of course, only to those who want to go to University...
Me being one of them, entitles me to a year long set of confusion, then, hopefully, gratefulness as I enter a foreign kingdom known as University.
So, my main choice of University has been the University of Birmingham, and it has been for a little over a year now. The only issue that's been detected here is I need to choose up to five universities. And the fact that I need to get three A's at A Level to get into the University. Which is going to be nearly impossible for me...
So for choosing another University, I've gone onto the UCAS course search thing, and I've ordered a prospectus from every University that does English and Creative Writing. I've got a few more left to come, but most of them have come now...
So, I've now made a second choice, which is Kingston University. But I know I can't properly make any decisions until all the prospectuses have come. Which sucks. By choosing my University now, I at least now what Universities I'm applying to and it saves a lot of time when it comes to the application process... which I seem to have nearly finished, I've basically only got to finish my personal statement, which I'm having increasing problems with. It's hard not to sound like a complete and utter douchebag in your personal statement...
But anyway, that's all for now... I'm actually going to bed at a reasonable time! GASP!
Night!
Me being one of them, entitles me to a year long set of confusion, then, hopefully, gratefulness as I enter a foreign kingdom known as University.
So, my main choice of University has been the University of Birmingham, and it has been for a little over a year now. The only issue that's been detected here is I need to choose up to five universities. And the fact that I need to get three A's at A Level to get into the University. Which is going to be nearly impossible for me...
So for choosing another University, I've gone onto the UCAS course search thing, and I've ordered a prospectus from every University that does English and Creative Writing. I've got a few more left to come, but most of them have come now...
So, I've now made a second choice, which is Kingston University. But I know I can't properly make any decisions until all the prospectuses have come. Which sucks. By choosing my University now, I at least now what Universities I'm applying to and it saves a lot of time when it comes to the application process... which I seem to have nearly finished, I've basically only got to finish my personal statement, which I'm having increasing problems with. It's hard not to sound like a complete and utter douchebag in your personal statement...
But anyway, that's all for now... I'm actually going to bed at a reasonable time! GASP!
Night!
Wednesday, 22 September 2010
So... yeah...
I was totally in a rush about something yesterday meaning I didn't have time to talk about what I wanted to say...
The issue today is, I don't actually remember what I wanted to talk about.
Kinda lame, huh?
So, just for reference, tomorrow, I'll talk about Universities, though, currently, I am now going to bed, as I am really, really tired. And before I get thirsty again. I'll just wake up with a really dry throat, but oh well, right?
Night!
The issue today is, I don't actually remember what I wanted to talk about.
Kinda lame, huh?
So, just for reference, tomorrow, I'll talk about Universities, though, currently, I am now going to bed, as I am really, really tired. And before I get thirsty again. I'll just wake up with a really dry throat, but oh well, right?
Night!
Tuesday, 21 September 2010
I'm actually posting Chapter 30
After a long wait, prepare to be bored out of your wits and be disappointed. The chapter isn't all that good. I don't like it anyway...
But yeah, I hope you all enjoy... what you can enjoy anyway...
Chapter 30
I did notice as the day went on, that the longer I sat there doing nothing about my friends, the longer the day went.
When I’d first woken up this morning, I was burning with determination, raring to go. I was going to get my friends.
Then reality hit me. If the guy took me out when I remembered how to use my powers properly, how would I be able to save them without remembering how to use my powers? So I decided to wait, well, plan, then the moment everything seemed to be working out, the second I left to get them. It would be this moment where I’d be walking to my hiding place and pulling out a joint and smoking it. I was badly craving it. Craving it to the point where I was getting fidgety, I could feel the need on my skin, like something was crawling it’s way slowly and slowly up my body.
No, stop thinking about it! The less you think about it, the easier it’s going to be to get over it.
Or, the quicker Maggie and them will forget about it, so I’m off house arrest and can go and get some more.
I can’t think like that. Look at where smoking the stuff got me last time. I don’t need to end back up in hospital.
As long as I’m careful next time with how much I’m smoking at one go, then I should be fine.
Gah! I just don’t know what to do with myself any more.
“Ready for your appointment?” Maggie asked as she walked into my room to see my still in my sleep clothes. “Obviously not.” She continued after a beat. “Hurry up then, Danny. We have to be leaving real soon.”
By real soon, I’m guessing she meant like now… “Well, if you leave I can get changed, can’t I?” I replied sarcastically, I just wasn’t in the mood to be playing nice with her.
“What’s wrong, Danny?” Maggie asked me, “Is it your head?”
“No, and nothing.” I sighed, getting up and rummaging around in my chest of drawers for decent clothes to put on. I hadn’t forgotten what was going to happen in my therapy session today. I was going to see the video, though I knew she’d want to know about what was going on between Maggie and me.
“So, you ready?” Was all Mrs Connors said as I entered her room. I knew what she was talking about though.
“As ready as I’ll ever be.” I replied. I didn’t want to tell her yet that I remembered where my friends were being kept. I’m not going to tell anyone besides Jamie about what I know. I don’t want anyone else to get involved. They don’t need to get involved. I don’t want them to get hurt over something that’s mine to deal with.
If only I could remember what this tome was. It’s never mentioned by name, just by ‘the tome’. Oh, well, I’m sure I can find out when I get my friends back.
“I’ll only play the video if you’re super, super sure you can deal with what you’re seeing.”
“What’s there that’s going to rattle me?”
“You’ll soon find out.” She said as she walked over to one of the many wardrobes looking things on her wall. Opening one showed a TV, it was fairly large, but not very new. Underneath was a DVD player, which she popped in a DVD player.
“10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1.” I watched Mrs Connors count down on the video. I watched myself lying there. Nothing was happening. She went on to talk about the clouds. I remembered doing that. I remembered letting all the memories take over me.
“No! Stop! Please!” Video me shouted out suddenly. I heard a gasp from the rest of the occupants of the room.
“Stop. That hurts!” I shouted, I watched myself on the video squirming around. I curled up into a ball at the end of the sofa as if trying to protect myself from something.
“I don’t have it. I don’t have what you want.” I cried out. Shit. Now they know I was taken for a reason.
“AH!” I was screaming frantically moving around in the ball I’d formed, my arms flailing out at an unknown entity. I sat there in complete silence.
I realised then, that I’d seen this. I remembered this. Well, remembered what was happening to me. In my dream last night. Well, it obviously wasn’t a dream. It felt like a bit of the wall inside my mind had started to crumble, and all these images had fallen through.
I don’t know what was pinning me to the chair. Maybe it was shock. If what I dreamt about was my memories, I knew that when I was there with Hayley and Jesse, they weren’t being tortured like I was. I couldn’t guarantee that now. I needed to get to them a.s.a.p.
Suddenly, there was something on the video. A dark shape.
“Pause it.” I commanded to Mrs Connors. Who jumped slightly and paused the video. “What’s that?”
“What’s what?”
“There’s someone else here besides you.” I commended moving closer to the TV. “Look at that.” I commented to a small corner of the screen where a dark shadow stood.
“There’s nothing there, Danny.”
“You seriously need to be blind not to see it. It’s big and black. It’s shaped like a person.”
“Where exactly do you see it then?”
“Right by me, there’s a man shaped shadow there.” I replied pointing at the shadow, how could she not see it? It was beginning to get a little frustrating.
“I think that maybe showing you this video was wrong.”
“And why’s that?”
“You’re seeing things.” Well, she couldn’t have put that more bluntly, right?
I stayed silent.
“Danny, let me help you.”
“It’s not me that needs help.” I whispered, “It’s Hayley and Jesse.”
“You’re starting to sound a little obsessed with finding them, Danny. What’s your main reason for wanting to find them?”
“I need to find them. I need to save them. It’s my fault they’re still there.”
“And what makes you think it’s your fault they’re still there?”
“Everything. How come I came back and they didn’t? I just want to make things right.”
“I’m not sure that’s a good enough reason.”
“What?” I asked, she was looking at me sternly, her eyes held no emotions.
“You just sound confused, you just want someone to reassure you that it wasn’t your fault, and by bringing them back here you think you’ll get that. What’s wrong with the Police finding them?”
“You don’t know where they are. The police have no chance.”
“And how do you figure that when you don’t remember where they are either?” Damn, she’s good. I didn’t even notice I’d hinted towards the fact that I knew where they were being kept.
“Look, whatever happened to me is probably happening to them too, I need to find them as soon as possible. Preferably without the police sticking their damned noses in.” I nearly shouted. I didn’t understand why she was being so objective with me.
“I can’t let you go looking for them, Danny.”
“And why’s that?”
“You’re still recovering from a drug addiction, that’s why!” She said exasperated. “Look, the reason you’re seeing this shadow on the screen could be for multiple reasons, one of them being because you’re a recovering drug addict.”
“I wasn’t a drug addict!” I defended. I’d never become addicted to the stuff, I just liked to smoke it when I was panicking, and that had nothing to do with being addicted to the stuff, did it?
“You’re even in denial about it. Danny, just look here, the main problem here is you. You’re in denial about your friends, you’re in some sort of denial about your family, and you’re in denial about being a drug addict!” She listed, though I could see the impatience flaring in her eyes.
“I’m not in denial about my family.”
“So, why don’t you call them ‘Mom’ or ‘Dad’?” She asked, her voice softening somewhat.
“They don’t feel like what parents should feel.”
“Oh, and what don’t they do for you?”
“Maggie certainly doesn’t love me.”
“And what’s she said to make you believe that?” She asked silently, she knew she was getting the root of his problem here, the reason he was so tense around her last night.
“She said ‘Oh, Danny, why won’t you come back to me?’” I looked down on my feet.
“That doesn’t sound like something she’d say.”
“Well, she said it. Deal with it.”
“Well, you’re obviously not dealing with it.”
“She doesn’t love me, she just wants her old Danny back. I’m not sure I can bring him back.”
“You shouldn’t worry about that. You should be whoever you want to be.” She soothed, though I wasn’t finding it all that soothing.
I didn’t have anything to say to her.
“Did you consider it from her end? That she feels really stressed out with everything that’s going on around her. It’s got to take some effort to take in a kid who looks exactly like her son, but at the same time, isn’t her son.”
“Well, she obviously wasn’t thinking about my side when she said that.”
“Look, Danny-”
“Can I get a copy of this DVD?” I asked, interrupting what she was going to tell me. I did not have the patience to listen to what she was going to say.
“What for?”
“Just to watch it for myself.”
“I don’t think I should do that.”
“Why not?’
“Well, it’s obviously freaked you out a little.”
She seemed to be getting the better of me lately. I didn’t have a response.
“Fine. I’ll just go then.” I stood up, turning my back to her, preparing to storm out of the room.
“Call me when you’re ready to talk, okay?”
Again, I didn’t answer her and left the room.
Maggie was waiting for me in the car park when I left the building. She didn’t say anything to me; I was hoping she wouldn’t either. I was afraid I’d let something slip.
We got home pretty quickly, that may have been because of the fact I spent most of it daydreaming, or Maggie was speeding. Either way, I was happy to be out of the car.
“Is Jamie home?” I asked, walking into the house.
“Yes, in her room.” Maggie answered, walking towards the kitchen.
“Jamie, can I ask you a question? Since you seem to know more about me than I do, I think you’re advice would be better.”
“It’s not romance trouble, is it?”
“No, I don’t… what was the word? socialize enough for something like that. I socialize more with a hospital bed than with people…”
“Okay. So what’s your question?” She asked looking at me funnily.
“As a magician, am I able to see things other people can’t?” I asked, the thought had come to me in the car, that maybe the reason I was seeing things was because I was different to other people.
“It took you till now to notice?” She asked.
“Well, I’ve never really been put in a position when I’ve noticed something that someone hasn’t. Today was the first instance.”
“At the therapist? What was at the therapist that made you notice that?”
“Well, it wasn’t necessarily at the therapist when I thought of it, but I noticed something on the video of what happened last night and she didn’t seem to notice it.”
“Oh, right.” I was kinda glad she didn’t ask me for what I’d noticed.
“Thanks,” I muttered before quickly leaving the room.
It was beginning to get dark. I didn’t really have any idea what it was, other than the fact that it was dark, which probably meant it was late.
I walked towards the bathroom. I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. Something wasn’t right, or something was going to happen and it wasn’t going to be good. Well, considering nothing good seemed to happen to me, this bad was a whole new level of bad.
The bathroom was quiet, as I’d expected it to be. I turned on the light, and looked around the room cautiously. Something wasn’t right here. Walking towards the sink, I noticed something in the reflection of the mirror. A man was here.
“Who the hell are you?” I asked.
“Who I am does not matter. I know who you are though, Danny Istari.”
“How do you know who I am?” Panic beginning to seep through me like blood through my veins.
“That’s not for you to know.” He said before swooping down at me, his fist aimed at my head. I narrowly avoided his punch, aiming to sweep his feet from his legs. He jumped over my leg the second he noticed it.
“Damn.” I muttered. Standing up, I aimed a punch at his face, he dodged, and my hand went smashing into the mirror. Pain erupted into my hand as blood started gushing out.
“I think that’s all my orders were. See you soon, Istari.” He said before disappearing into the darkness.
Thanks for reading, I'll probably put more of a blog tomorrow, I don't have time now tonight...
Night!
Sunday, 19 September 2010
Sorry but this guy...
Has managed to piss me off royally. http://www.news-leader.com/article/20100918/OPINIONS02/9180307/Scroggins-Filthy-books-demeaning-to-Republic-education
He says that Speak, a novel by Laurie Halse Anderson is a soft porn book? Honestly he hasn't really experienced what's out there if he thinks that rape scenes are pornographic.
I think the reason that this grated on my nerves more than anything is because I, myself, have lived through rape, sure, it may have been in a different context to what Melinda suffered, but it's rape nonetheless, and he's just shoving everything the book is teaching you down the drain and focuses only on the rape scenes. The book is about being strong. Don't stay silent, speak!
I could relate to this book, even though I read it after all of my problems had been sorted, it still helped me. It helped me realise that I wasn't the only person suffering like this, there are others out there like me.
Sorry, but that's what annoyed me today. The guy is just.... gah!
I'm not even a part of America either. We don't read books like this here, in the UK, even though I think we should...
I'll let everyone else read over these now and ponder what he's saying. I'm sure most people will draw up to the conclusion that he's stupid, and doesn't even know what he's talking about...
Night.
He says that Speak, a novel by Laurie Halse Anderson is a soft porn book? Honestly he hasn't really experienced what's out there if he thinks that rape scenes are pornographic.
I think the reason that this grated on my nerves more than anything is because I, myself, have lived through rape, sure, it may have been in a different context to what Melinda suffered, but it's rape nonetheless, and he's just shoving everything the book is teaching you down the drain and focuses only on the rape scenes. The book is about being strong. Don't stay silent, speak!
I could relate to this book, even though I read it after all of my problems had been sorted, it still helped me. It helped me realise that I wasn't the only person suffering like this, there are others out there like me.
Sorry, but that's what annoyed me today. The guy is just.... gah!
I'm not even a part of America either. We don't read books like this here, in the UK, even though I think we should...
I'll let everyone else read over these now and ponder what he's saying. I'm sure most people will draw up to the conclusion that he's stupid, and doesn't even know what he's talking about...
Night.
Saturday, 18 September 2010
I didn't blog yesterday because...
Well, I was totally planning on doing it. But, last night was my first night back in dance and I was well and truly knackered at the end of it. It didn't help that I was knackered before going. But I was well and truly dead by the end of it.
So, when I got home, I literally had my tea and went straight to bed. The thought of actually blogging did cross my mind, but then, I couldn't really be bothered to turn my computer on and write the blog just to turn it off and go to sleep. I literally just went straight to sleep. Kinda like what I'm going to do in a few seconds.
So, I've just finished my Harry Potter marathon. I've been meaning to do a Harry Potter marathon for a while now, considering the 7th one comes out in like two months now.
But yeah, watching the series has just made me want to read the books again, but I know I don't have the time to do that. I have Welsh books to read and stuff. Good times, eh? Welsh books I don't even really want to read.
I mean, like, no offense to Welsh language books and stuff, but I'm not all that into read Welsh books. That and the fact it takes me forever to understand what their going on about. It's usually a case of, I think one things happened when in reality something else has happened.
It's al so confusing.
So, I'm just going to go to bed...
Hoping every one's had a good weekend, so far...
Night!
So, when I got home, I literally had my tea and went straight to bed. The thought of actually blogging did cross my mind, but then, I couldn't really be bothered to turn my computer on and write the blog just to turn it off and go to sleep. I literally just went straight to sleep. Kinda like what I'm going to do in a few seconds.
So, I've just finished my Harry Potter marathon. I've been meaning to do a Harry Potter marathon for a while now, considering the 7th one comes out in like two months now.
But yeah, watching the series has just made me want to read the books again, but I know I don't have the time to do that. I have Welsh books to read and stuff. Good times, eh? Welsh books I don't even really want to read.
I mean, like, no offense to Welsh language books and stuff, but I'm not all that into read Welsh books. That and the fact it takes me forever to understand what their going on about. It's usually a case of, I think one things happened when in reality something else has happened.
It's al so confusing.
So, I'm just going to go to bed...
Hoping every one's had a good weekend, so far...
Night!
Thursday, 16 September 2010
I've been having
Some difficulty with choosing Universities. So, I know for a first choice, I want to go to Birmingham, that choice hasn't changed at all. It's just choosing any other university.
I've got a couple of open days coming up, in Kingston, Aberystwyth and Bangor. And I've got like a million prospectuses on the way.
I guess it's just a thing of getting the right choices, finding a place you really want to go to, and then there's not much really you can do after that.
But moving on, my mum wants to have me tested for diabetes. It runs in the family and I'm showing some signs of it (hunger, tiredness, constantly drinking), so she wants me to get tested just to be safe. I just think it's a phase, there's nothing wrong with me, maybe a good nights sleep and a lovely long drink will cure me (though, I have drunk like 6 liters of drink).
But yeah, that's the only thing going on in my life at the moment. Good times, eh? Good times...
Not really.
Hopefully I'll have finished my chapter soon, but I can't make any promises, I'm starting back to dance tomorrow and that will probably mean I'll be totally knackered....
Night!
I've got a couple of open days coming up, in Kingston, Aberystwyth and Bangor. And I've got like a million prospectuses on the way.
I guess it's just a thing of getting the right choices, finding a place you really want to go to, and then there's not much really you can do after that.
But moving on, my mum wants to have me tested for diabetes. It runs in the family and I'm showing some signs of it (hunger, tiredness, constantly drinking), so she wants me to get tested just to be safe. I just think it's a phase, there's nothing wrong with me, maybe a good nights sleep and a lovely long drink will cure me (though, I have drunk like 6 liters of drink).
But yeah, that's the only thing going on in my life at the moment. Good times, eh? Good times...
Not really.
Hopefully I'll have finished my chapter soon, but I can't make any promises, I'm starting back to dance tomorrow and that will probably mean I'll be totally knackered....
Night!
Wednesday, 15 September 2010
I'm kinda getting the feeling
That I'm running out of things to blog about. My life at school just isn't interesting enough to talk about on a blog. Know what I mean? I just don't do anything in school.
I'm socially awkward, what do you expect? I don't really talk to that many people in school. I got to lessons. I do my work. I listen to other people's conversations, and to be honest with you, their all about stupid things like 'who's the hottest?', and I don't do those kinds of conversations.
And for once, I don't think I have anything to rant about. I just spend my life sitting around. One thing I really need to do is get on with my reading for Welsh. I have two books to read now in like a week. So, I'll just have to read them over the weekend I guess. Well, at least read one of them over the weekend.
One thing I can not wait for that comes out next week is the new Supernatural season. It's coming out in America next week and probably not in the UK for a long time. But, I'm going to break the rules a bit and watch it on the internet. But only the first episode (unless of course, the first one airs on a cliffhanger and I can't help myself).
But yeah....
Nothing much to talk about.
I've almost finished Aqua's story on Birth By Sleep. Go me, right?
Night!
Tuesday, 14 September 2010
Car Crashes
So, in school today, we had this presentation about road safety.
What the presentation consisted of was a lot of clips of recreational car crashes. All of which were quite gruesome. You know, like, bodies being flung around. Babies dying. Facts, figures.
Kinda like those 'TH!NK' advertisements they have going. Where they use young children as a device for older people to think about the way their driving.
I didn't really expect to think about it as much as I have. You know, I've done enough of these things. I know what's dangerous. They didn't really point out anything new, it was the clips that got to me. Some of them were pretty traumatic.
But yeah, not much else has happened to me today. I've done some schoolwork. Currently, I'm feeling really, really tired. And I mean, like constantly tired.
I think there could be something wrong. I sleep enough, its just that I don't seem to be feeling any less exhausted. And I'm constantly thirsty too. I shouldn't really. I drink enough. I have a drink with my breakfast. A huge drink for dinner. Two or three drinks before tea. Two or three drinks with tea. Two or three drinks after tea, and then my cup of tea. See what I mean? It can't be healthy to want to drink so much.
Anyway, moving on.
I'm going to sign off now. I did do some writing today, which I am like eternally proud of. I was hit by some inspiration over breakfast today....
But yeah...
Night!
What the presentation consisted of was a lot of clips of recreational car crashes. All of which were quite gruesome. You know, like, bodies being flung around. Babies dying. Facts, figures.
Kinda like those 'TH!NK' advertisements they have going. Where they use young children as a device for older people to think about the way their driving.
I didn't really expect to think about it as much as I have. You know, I've done enough of these things. I know what's dangerous. They didn't really point out anything new, it was the clips that got to me. Some of them were pretty traumatic.
But yeah, not much else has happened to me today. I've done some schoolwork. Currently, I'm feeling really, really tired. And I mean, like constantly tired.
I think there could be something wrong. I sleep enough, its just that I don't seem to be feeling any less exhausted. And I'm constantly thirsty too. I shouldn't really. I drink enough. I have a drink with my breakfast. A huge drink for dinner. Two or three drinks before tea. Two or three drinks with tea. Two or three drinks after tea, and then my cup of tea. See what I mean? It can't be healthy to want to drink so much.
Anyway, moving on.
I'm going to sign off now. I did do some writing today, which I am like eternally proud of. I was hit by some inspiration over breakfast today....
But yeah...
Night!
Monday, 13 September 2010
So
I don't really have much to talk about today.
Seriously, I haven't got anything to talk about. I've finally beaten Xehanort on Terra's story on Birth By Sleep. I've actually done my homework.
I haven't written anything for DYRM.
I've felt tired.
I watched ShadyVox drunk.... again.
I went to school.
I ate dinner.
I had a few million drinks.
I guess that about sums up my life as of late...
So, lol, there's not been much talk about moving today. I think it was just that one thing, where people were talking about it yesterday. I don't think it's going to happen.
Of course, I'm not ruling anything out of course.
So, I'll see you tomorrow. I'm going to hopefully do some writing tomorrow, otherwise I'm going to get out of the habit and that's not good....
Night!
Seriously, I haven't got anything to talk about. I've finally beaten Xehanort on Terra's story on Birth By Sleep. I've actually done my homework.
I haven't written anything for DYRM.
I've felt tired.
I watched ShadyVox drunk.... again.
I went to school.
I ate dinner.
I had a few million drinks.
I guess that about sums up my life as of late...
So, lol, there's not been much talk about moving today. I think it was just that one thing, where people were talking about it yesterday. I don't think it's going to happen.
Of course, I'm not ruling anything out of course.
So, I'll see you tomorrow. I'm going to hopefully do some writing tomorrow, otherwise I'm going to get out of the habit and that's not good....
Night!
Sunday, 12 September 2010
I am
Totally in love with the new Kingdom Hearts Game. It's so damn addictive. So I've already almost finished the first part of the game. I'm on the final fight between Xehanort and Terra when Terra's body gets taken over.
I've been having a little difficulty with it, but I think I've got my strategy down now.
So, not a long post tonight because I want to get back to the game.
Hopefully everyone's had a good weekend. Mine's been okay. I've done quite a lot of things. Well, by quite a lot, I mean like nothing.
There's one thing I want to talk about on my blog that's quite serious. Well, it's not as serious as some stuff I've posted on here, but it's quite serious to me.
My parents are thinking about moving my family from where we live now to somewhere else. Not too far, but we live in Swansea in Wales now and their thinking of moving us to somewhere in England.
There's a reason for this, of course, and its jobs. My Dad works for the DVLA, and if you live in the UK, you know that things aren't looking very good for the DVLA, there's no job security, and the job my dad does, is something, in England he'd be earning 3, 4 times the amount of money he is here. So, there's thinking about doing it, and if its going to happen it's going to happen over the next year or so. Mainly because of mine and Sara's exams.
Mam says if Dad did get a job before that, he'd travel to work for now until we'd finished all of our exams. I guess there's a lot to consider about moving before doing it.
But, you see, I actually don't mind the thought of moving. It's not that I don't like it here, all my friends are here. But especially if we're gonna move in a year or so, I'll be going off to University, so I won't be with my friends anyway, so that thing doesn't bother me, and I can always talk to them over the internet, it's not like we'll never speak to each other again. And I can always get on a train to go and meet them.
So, I don't really have all that much of an issue with it.
My main thing is though, should I have an issue about it? Should I hate the fact that their considering moving?
See, I like to view it as a new beginning a chance to get to know more people, not a thing where there's only negatives to the situation.
I'm not going to mention it to my friends until it's like definite, or a more prominent thought in my parents mind.
I defo won't leave it till last minute because that's cruel to them.
But anyway, I guess I'll talk about it more in depth when it does come down to moving.
So, anyway, I'm off for the night...
Night!
I've been having a little difficulty with it, but I think I've got my strategy down now.
So, not a long post tonight because I want to get back to the game.
Hopefully everyone's had a good weekend. Mine's been okay. I've done quite a lot of things. Well, by quite a lot, I mean like nothing.
There's one thing I want to talk about on my blog that's quite serious. Well, it's not as serious as some stuff I've posted on here, but it's quite serious to me.
My parents are thinking about moving my family from where we live now to somewhere else. Not too far, but we live in Swansea in Wales now and their thinking of moving us to somewhere in England.
There's a reason for this, of course, and its jobs. My Dad works for the DVLA, and if you live in the UK, you know that things aren't looking very good for the DVLA, there's no job security, and the job my dad does, is something, in England he'd be earning 3, 4 times the amount of money he is here. So, there's thinking about doing it, and if its going to happen it's going to happen over the next year or so. Mainly because of mine and Sara's exams.
Mam says if Dad did get a job before that, he'd travel to work for now until we'd finished all of our exams. I guess there's a lot to consider about moving before doing it.
But, you see, I actually don't mind the thought of moving. It's not that I don't like it here, all my friends are here. But especially if we're gonna move in a year or so, I'll be going off to University, so I won't be with my friends anyway, so that thing doesn't bother me, and I can always talk to them over the internet, it's not like we'll never speak to each other again. And I can always get on a train to go and meet them.
So, I don't really have all that much of an issue with it.
My main thing is though, should I have an issue about it? Should I hate the fact that their considering moving?
See, I like to view it as a new beginning a chance to get to know more people, not a thing where there's only negatives to the situation.
I'm not going to mention it to my friends until it's like definite, or a more prominent thought in my parents mind.
I defo won't leave it till last minute because that's cruel to them.
But anyway, I guess I'll talk about it more in depth when it does come down to moving.
So, anyway, I'm off for the night...
Night!
Saturday, 11 September 2010
Kingdom Hearts
So, today I bought the new Kingdom Hearts game, Birth By Sleep for the PSP.
So far, I think the game is amazing! I really can't get enough of it! Mind you, I'm like still at the beginning, so I started on Terra's story, and he's going to Yen Sid's house now.
But it's getting real good :D
A couple of things I really like about the game on the PSP, that even though it is on a smaller platform than the PlayStation, it's still got great graphics, something 358/2 didn't have, and the music is really, really amazing.
So, I'm going to go back and play the game a bit more before going to bed, as I won't have a lot of time to play it tomorrow. I've got school work to do... yep, it's back to the same old routine. I've got to do University Shopping too, in other words, choosing which Universities I want to apply for...
So, that's it for me...
Night!
So far, I think the game is amazing! I really can't get enough of it! Mind you, I'm like still at the beginning, so I started on Terra's story, and he's going to Yen Sid's house now.
But it's getting real good :D
A couple of things I really like about the game on the PSP, that even though it is on a smaller platform than the PlayStation, it's still got great graphics, something 358/2 didn't have, and the music is really, really amazing.
So, I'm going to go back and play the game a bit more before going to bed, as I won't have a lot of time to play it tomorrow. I've got school work to do... yep, it's back to the same old routine. I've got to do University Shopping too, in other words, choosing which Universities I want to apply for...
So, that's it for me...
Night!
Friday, 10 September 2010
So I've decided
That Cardiff isn't the place for me. I went to their open day today, and I couldn't really picture myself thinking 'hm, I want to live here for three years of my life'. It just wasn't the place for me. It didn't feel like, home, or far enough away from home...
Lol.
Anyway, besides that, the courses for English there sound exactly the same as what I'm studying in my subjects now. I mean, sure, it's a great advantage, but I do want some variation in what I'm studying...
So, not much else to say. I'm really tired, so coherent thoughts aren't exactly my strong point at the moment, and I will be writing tomorrow, at least some writing anyway, the only reason I'm going into town tomorrow is to get my new books for school and that's it. I shall not be tempted to buy I Am Number Four as I am saving for Cerys's birthday party that is coming up.
So, night!
Not much of a blog post, right? But I can barely keep my eyes open....
Lol.
Anyway, besides that, the courses for English there sound exactly the same as what I'm studying in my subjects now. I mean, sure, it's a great advantage, but I do want some variation in what I'm studying...
So, not much else to say. I'm really tired, so coherent thoughts aren't exactly my strong point at the moment, and I will be writing tomorrow, at least some writing anyway, the only reason I'm going into town tomorrow is to get my new books for school and that's it. I shall not be tempted to buy I Am Number Four as I am saving for Cerys's birthday party that is coming up.
So, night!
Not much of a blog post, right? But I can barely keep my eyes open....
Thursday, 9 September 2010
Going to Cardiff tomorrow
So, I'm going to an open day in Cardiff University tomorrow which is why I won't be blogging for long tonight. Plus, I feel that I probably bored you all to death last night anyway with all my depressing thoughts.
I guess it was just one of those days. I've thought about what I blogged last night and I feel kinda stupid for feeling that way. I know the depression will come back eventually and I know I should probably seek help for it.
I just don't want to destroy what little peace we have in our family and talking about it will just bring a lot of awkward tension to the table. So I figure, that I'll just have to learnt to accept it on my own.
It's not something that I feel comfortable with talking about out loud. I mean, it's fine when I'm talking about it on a blog because I don't know the people reading it and I know by talking about it over the internet, at least I am talking about it. Whereas, I have real difficulty talking about it in real life. I don't think I'll ever be able to talk about in real life.
But anyway. I'm going to bed now, it's getting late and I have to be up really, really early...
Night!
I guess it was just one of those days. I've thought about what I blogged last night and I feel kinda stupid for feeling that way. I know the depression will come back eventually and I know I should probably seek help for it.
I just don't want to destroy what little peace we have in our family and talking about it will just bring a lot of awkward tension to the table. So I figure, that I'll just have to learnt to accept it on my own.
It's not something that I feel comfortable with talking about out loud. I mean, it's fine when I'm talking about it on a blog because I don't know the people reading it and I know by talking about it over the internet, at least I am talking about it. Whereas, I have real difficulty talking about it in real life. I don't think I'll ever be able to talk about in real life.
But anyway. I'm going to bed now, it's getting late and I have to be up really, really early...
Night!
Wednesday, 8 September 2010
So...
I didn't get the job in Marks and Spencer. It's all good. I know where I went wrong because the woman told me where I went wrong, so the next time I apply for a job there, I now know how to ace the test there...
I guess I should feel a little more disappointed than what I am, I don't though, I'm just used to rejection by now.
Anyway, I guess in a blog it's kinda expected for you to talk about your feelings. You know? Being at one with yourself and all that crap. So I figure I should talk about them.
So, I've been feeling kind of down lately. I don't know what's wrong with me, I've just been feeling a little depressed. Well, more depressed than what I usually am. I feel like my happiness today has been really forced. Though I'm constantly tired all the time, that probably has a really big part in why I've been feeling down lately. I'm also probably not getting out of the house enough...
Anyway, so, I don't think that's there's really a big reason for me to be feeling depressed. I mean, sure, I haven't had the best past in the world, but shouldn't I move on? Should I be stuck in the past all the time? I want to open up more to people. I want to be able to tell them that the reason why I don't let people hug me, touch me, or whatever, is because of bad experiences. I'm pretty positive that that shouldn't change what people think of me, right? I shouldn't care about what people think about me, but I do.
Sometimes, I feel like my life is spirally out of control, but then I remember that what happened isn't going to happen again. I shouldn't be thinking about it. The rest of the family pretends like it never happened, so maybe I should move on like them... but it wasn't them who were suffering. They don't have the memories of what happened. It's easy enough for them to move on with their daily life and think it was some big dream, one that should never be mentioned again.
I want to feel like that, that that part of my life is just some big horrible nightmare and nothing more and shouldn't invade my mind every time I'm alone.
I feel really stupid when I mention all this stuff on my blog. Sure, I only mention is a few times, but I feel like I'm repeating the same point over and over again.
I think I've bored people enough, right? So, I'll just leave you there, I know it's kinda half thoughts on here today and I was going to write the new chapter of DYRM, time just seemed to pass me by...
I'm determined to finish it though. I'm not just going to leave it where it is...
So, I'm off to bed now...
Night!
I guess I should feel a little more disappointed than what I am, I don't though, I'm just used to rejection by now.
Anyway, I guess in a blog it's kinda expected for you to talk about your feelings. You know? Being at one with yourself and all that crap. So I figure I should talk about them.
So, I've been feeling kind of down lately. I don't know what's wrong with me, I've just been feeling a little depressed. Well, more depressed than what I usually am. I feel like my happiness today has been really forced. Though I'm constantly tired all the time, that probably has a really big part in why I've been feeling down lately. I'm also probably not getting out of the house enough...
Anyway, so, I don't think that's there's really a big reason for me to be feeling depressed. I mean, sure, I haven't had the best past in the world, but shouldn't I move on? Should I be stuck in the past all the time? I want to open up more to people. I want to be able to tell them that the reason why I don't let people hug me, touch me, or whatever, is because of bad experiences. I'm pretty positive that that shouldn't change what people think of me, right? I shouldn't care about what people think about me, but I do.
Sometimes, I feel like my life is spirally out of control, but then I remember that what happened isn't going to happen again. I shouldn't be thinking about it. The rest of the family pretends like it never happened, so maybe I should move on like them... but it wasn't them who were suffering. They don't have the memories of what happened. It's easy enough for them to move on with their daily life and think it was some big dream, one that should never be mentioned again.
I want to feel like that, that that part of my life is just some big horrible nightmare and nothing more and shouldn't invade my mind every time I'm alone.
I feel really stupid when I mention all this stuff on my blog. Sure, I only mention is a few times, but I feel like I'm repeating the same point over and over again.
I think I've bored people enough, right? So, I'll just leave you there, I know it's kinda half thoughts on here today and I was going to write the new chapter of DYRM, time just seemed to pass me by...
I'm determined to finish it though. I'm not just going to leave it where it is...
So, I'm off to bed now...
Night!
Tuesday, 7 September 2010
I'm nearing
The end of DYRM now. Well, the end in terms of the phase of the book where everything starts to get resolved and ready for the last few scenes of the story.
Which, in my opinion, makes it all the more infinitely harder to write, I've got to try and remember every last plot detail so far, so that the answer I've got for everything is okay. Then there's sorting everything out. Getting to his friends, bringing them home. Finding out more about this tome. I've got some more turmoil to stick Danny through just yet... it's all going to be really, really, good. Well, I hope so. It plays out good in my head.
So, I've only written like a page and a half when I said that I was going to write the whole chapter. I've been kinda distracted. I have a job interview tomorrow afternoon and I've been you know, stuck in one of them day dream trances where everything seems to go okay in the interview.....
Anyway, so I'm going to be keeping this blog post on the short...
Speak to you tomorrow, where I'll yet again, probably won't have any more writing done. Though I am determined now to write at least a chapter a week now that I'm back in school.
So...
Night!
I hop everyone else is having a better time than me!
Which, in my opinion, makes it all the more infinitely harder to write, I've got to try and remember every last plot detail so far, so that the answer I've got for everything is okay. Then there's sorting everything out. Getting to his friends, bringing them home. Finding out more about this tome. I've got some more turmoil to stick Danny through just yet... it's all going to be really, really, good. Well, I hope so. It plays out good in my head.
So, I've only written like a page and a half when I said that I was going to write the whole chapter. I've been kinda distracted. I have a job interview tomorrow afternoon and I've been you know, stuck in one of them day dream trances where everything seems to go okay in the interview.....
Anyway, so I'm going to be keeping this blog post on the short...
Speak to you tomorrow, where I'll yet again, probably won't have any more writing done. Though I am determined now to write at least a chapter a week now that I'm back in school.
So...
Night!
I hop everyone else is having a better time than me!
Monday, 6 September 2010
Pay It Forward
I've probably mentioned this film in my blog before, I can't remember, but, I'm going to mention is again...
So, personally, I think Pay It Forward is a truly amazing film. I was watching the trailer for it just now, and to be honest with you, the trailer doesn't really it do it justice. I'm not much of a fan of that kind of film, but I watched it, because at the time I was completely and utterly obsessed with anything with Haley Joel Osment in it (I still am, but....).
The film is just amazing, and potentially the only film to get my to cry at the ending more than once. Once I've seen a film with a sad ending I don't usually cry, but this one... Well, I cry ever time I see the film.
But anyway, I think I should get to talking about my boring old school life now, shouldn't I?
So, I've done like nothing at all in school today. I've seen my timetable and boy is it currently empty. I have 26 free lessons this year. Currently, I don't know whether to be excited or not about it. This time last year I hated free lessons because I didn't know what to do with my free time. I was so used to having full days every day, I just didn't know what to do.
By the time the year was coming to a close, I was wishing I had more and more free lessons. At least that's what I got this year, right?
Anyway.
I'm going to bed. It's been a long day...
Night!
And hopefully, tomorrow, I'll have actually written the next chapter of DYRM. I haven't written it in like a week now. I'll forget what I want to happen if it carries on like this! Lol.
So, personally, I think Pay It Forward is a truly amazing film. I was watching the trailer for it just now, and to be honest with you, the trailer doesn't really it do it justice. I'm not much of a fan of that kind of film, but I watched it, because at the time I was completely and utterly obsessed with anything with Haley Joel Osment in it (I still am, but....).
The film is just amazing, and potentially the only film to get my to cry at the ending more than once. Once I've seen a film with a sad ending I don't usually cry, but this one... Well, I cry ever time I see the film.
But anyway, I think I should get to talking about my boring old school life now, shouldn't I?
So, I've done like nothing at all in school today. I've seen my timetable and boy is it currently empty. I have 26 free lessons this year. Currently, I don't know whether to be excited or not about it. This time last year I hated free lessons because I didn't know what to do with my free time. I was so used to having full days every day, I just didn't know what to do.
By the time the year was coming to a close, I was wishing I had more and more free lessons. At least that's what I got this year, right?
Anyway.
I'm going to bed. It's been a long day...
Night!
And hopefully, tomorrow, I'll have actually written the next chapter of DYRM. I haven't written it in like a week now. I'll forget what I want to happen if it carries on like this! Lol.
Sunday, 5 September 2010
Is it called an obsession...
When you constantly watch something on repeat, and when you're not watching it, you quote it?
You see, as of late, I've really, really, been into YuGiOh Abridged. I mean, I've always liked his stuff. I've been watching his video's for like four years now. But lately, I've been watching his videos all the time. Repeatedly. I've also started to watch YuGiOh GX abridged, by different people (it's done by two people), which is equally as funny. I guess YuGiOh Abridged gas a little more sentimental value to me though. The guy who plays Jaden in YuGiOh GX abridged though is seriously talentled. His name is ShadyVox (well, his internet name is Shady, of course it's not his real name...), he's got some serious talent on him. You should really watch his rap battle with Little Kuriboh. It's called YUGI VS JADEN - BATTLE!
So, I, personally, think I watch this show way too much. It's like constantly on my computer.
Maybe it's just a phase. It's a funny thing though. No one else I know seems to think he's very funny, well, they don't exactly understand the jokes like I do. That usually sticks out how much of a nerd I am, right?
Anyway, moving on.
So, I mentioned about going to a party yesterday (did I say party of fundraiser? I don't really remember). To be honest with you, I was quite bored there. I wasn't allowed to drink any alcohol because I was underage, and none of the parents there that I knew were offered to get me anything, so I went the party without any.
I guess it's true. I just don't enjoy a party as much when I'm sober. Half of the stuff I do, I do because I'm drunk and don't really have that much control over what I'm doing...
Anyway, so it was a drag. Not much really happened. The Karaoke went on for like... ever. It would have been a better karaoke session if people actually did songs that were a little more entertaining... but oh, well, who knows? There's always next time, right?
Not much else to talk about...
I'm actually going to bed at a reasonable time, I'm knackered in general, but I do have school tomorrow, and the first day of lessons.
Joyous occasions, right?
Night!
You see, as of late, I've really, really, been into YuGiOh Abridged. I mean, I've always liked his stuff. I've been watching his video's for like four years now. But lately, I've been watching his videos all the time. Repeatedly. I've also started to watch YuGiOh GX abridged, by different people (it's done by two people), which is equally as funny. I guess YuGiOh Abridged gas a little more sentimental value to me though. The guy who plays Jaden in YuGiOh GX abridged though is seriously talentled. His name is ShadyVox (well, his internet name is Shady, of course it's not his real name...), he's got some serious talent on him. You should really watch his rap battle with Little Kuriboh. It's called YUGI VS JADEN - BATTLE!
So, I, personally, think I watch this show way too much. It's like constantly on my computer.
Maybe it's just a phase. It's a funny thing though. No one else I know seems to think he's very funny, well, they don't exactly understand the jokes like I do. That usually sticks out how much of a nerd I am, right?
Anyway, moving on.
So, I mentioned about going to a party yesterday (did I say party of fundraiser? I don't really remember). To be honest with you, I was quite bored there. I wasn't allowed to drink any alcohol because I was underage, and none of the parents there that I knew were offered to get me anything, so I went the party without any.
I guess it's true. I just don't enjoy a party as much when I'm sober. Half of the stuff I do, I do because I'm drunk and don't really have that much control over what I'm doing...
Anyway, so it was a drag. Not much really happened. The Karaoke went on for like... ever. It would have been a better karaoke session if people actually did songs that were a little more entertaining... but oh, well, who knows? There's always next time, right?
Not much else to talk about...
I'm actually going to bed at a reasonable time, I'm knackered in general, but I do have school tomorrow, and the first day of lessons.
Joyous occasions, right?
Night!
Friday, 3 September 2010
School seems to have a negative effect on me
Because I seem to think less and less about my writing.
So I've officially dropped Maths now, so there's no need to worry about how much I'm failing that subject. And I'm out tomorrow night, which probably means I won't be blogging tomorrow night. I was truly and honestly going to be writing the new chapter of my story tonight. It's just time seemed to pass my by and I was watching these Little Kuriboh video's...
Do you ever get that? I seem to be getting a lot of those moments at the moment. That's a strange sentence...
Anyway.
So, I was watching the live version of the Yugi vs Jaden rap battle live, the one from Otakon. I was kinda suspicious of whether it was ShadyVox doing the rapping at first, but I'm proud to say that I stand corrected. He's definitely one heck of a talented person. I think his Jaden voice is just the best. Not that I've actually listened to any other of the GX dubbed. DarkSideIncorporated seemed a lot more popular, and from the first time I watched the Rap Battle in general, I knew they'd be the one to watch.
Anyway, moving on.
So, tomorrow, I'm going to a fundraiser for my Irish Dancing group. I'm not actually doing anything in the fundraiser, because I didn't turn up to any practices during the school holiday. I had every intention to, it just didn't happen. Tuesday's aren't exactly a good night for me.
But anyway, I'm still going to the fundraiser as a spectator, then there's the karaoke machine. No one can say no to a karaoke machine.
Before all that though, I'm going to see The Last Exorcism tomorrow and I'm totally crapping myself. It looks really scary.
To be honest with you, I'm a real big wimp when it comes to horror movies. I'm always scared, I jump at like the smallest of things....
But anyway, I know I'm going to have to go to it, I promised my younger sister that I'd take her to see her first horror movie when she turned 15. There haven't really been that many good horror movies out since she turned 15, so we kinda just waited, and she wanted to see this one anyway.
But moving on, that's a pointless story.
I hope everyone else has a better Saturday than me.
And I've noticed that we know have a 'stats' feature on Blogger. I wonder what it does...
Jokes. I've already taken a look at it. It's like the fanfiction 'where in the world are people reading your fanfictions' thing. I'm not too bothered. I mean, I post on blogger for my writing and just mainly getting things off my chest. I do do some reviews of stuff I've read or seen. I usually just tend to obsess over everything though...
So, I'll see you Sunday probably.
Hopefully, I won't have too much of a hangover. Well, that depends if I'm even allowed to drink tomorrow night. I know my mum doesn't care, it depends on whether I'll get served. You know, being underage and all....
Night!
I think this has been the longest blog for a while. You know, one without just my chapter on it. One with just me talking for once. Well, I probably don't mind, it's the people who are on my stats page are the ones probably thinking 'oh, get over yourself already'. I would be. I do nothing but complain!
I've said it once, but I feel I need to say it again, just to put some kind of closure to this blog, and the fact that I might be missing my blog tomorrow (it really depends what time I come home, it says 7:30 till late...)
Night!
So I've officially dropped Maths now, so there's no need to worry about how much I'm failing that subject. And I'm out tomorrow night, which probably means I won't be blogging tomorrow night. I was truly and honestly going to be writing the new chapter of my story tonight. It's just time seemed to pass my by and I was watching these Little Kuriboh video's...
Do you ever get that? I seem to be getting a lot of those moments at the moment. That's a strange sentence...
Anyway.
So, I was watching the live version of the Yugi vs Jaden rap battle live, the one from Otakon. I was kinda suspicious of whether it was ShadyVox doing the rapping at first, but I'm proud to say that I stand corrected. He's definitely one heck of a talented person. I think his Jaden voice is just the best. Not that I've actually listened to any other of the GX dubbed. DarkSideIncorporated seemed a lot more popular, and from the first time I watched the Rap Battle in general, I knew they'd be the one to watch.
Anyway, moving on.
So, tomorrow, I'm going to a fundraiser for my Irish Dancing group. I'm not actually doing anything in the fundraiser, because I didn't turn up to any practices during the school holiday. I had every intention to, it just didn't happen. Tuesday's aren't exactly a good night for me.
But anyway, I'm still going to the fundraiser as a spectator, then there's the karaoke machine. No one can say no to a karaoke machine.
Before all that though, I'm going to see The Last Exorcism tomorrow and I'm totally crapping myself. It looks really scary.
To be honest with you, I'm a real big wimp when it comes to horror movies. I'm always scared, I jump at like the smallest of things....
But anyway, I know I'm going to have to go to it, I promised my younger sister that I'd take her to see her first horror movie when she turned 15. There haven't really been that many good horror movies out since she turned 15, so we kinda just waited, and she wanted to see this one anyway.
But moving on, that's a pointless story.
I hope everyone else has a better Saturday than me.
And I've noticed that we know have a 'stats' feature on Blogger. I wonder what it does...
Jokes. I've already taken a look at it. It's like the fanfiction 'where in the world are people reading your fanfictions' thing. I'm not too bothered. I mean, I post on blogger for my writing and just mainly getting things off my chest. I do do some reviews of stuff I've read or seen. I usually just tend to obsess over everything though...
So, I'll see you Sunday probably.
Hopefully, I won't have too much of a hangover. Well, that depends if I'm even allowed to drink tomorrow night. I know my mum doesn't care, it depends on whether I'll get served. You know, being underage and all....
Night!
I think this has been the longest blog for a while. You know, one without just my chapter on it. One with just me talking for once. Well, I probably don't mind, it's the people who are on my stats page are the ones probably thinking 'oh, get over yourself already'. I would be. I do nothing but complain!
I've said it once, but I feel I need to say it again, just to put some kind of closure to this blog, and the fact that I might be missing my blog tomorrow (it really depends what time I come home, it says 7:30 till late...)
Night!
Thursday, 2 September 2010
School
Must obviously make me forget about blogging. I only just remembered before I was going to turn my computer off.
So, I've done like nothing at all in school today. We couldn't do the work we were supposed to do because no one had brought it in because we hadn't been told that we needed it.
We know now to bring it in ready for tomorrow.
But anyway.
School's a bore, just as expected. I should be able to type the new chapter of my story tomorrow. I know I'll have a lot of free time tomorrow.
I'm not sure about Saturday, I'm in a fundraiser until late. Though, I do know that's going to be epic.
Anyway, maybe tomorrow's blog will be a bit lengthier.
Night!
Wednesday, 1 September 2010
School tomorrow...
I really don't want to go back to school, but sadly, I don't really have a choice.
I'm trying to be positive about it, and think, well, at least it's my last year this year. But it doesn't seem to be working.
Oh, well, it's not going to be a long blog post today. I don't have time, I was like supposed to be turning in for bed like half an hour ago. I kinda got carried watching Little Kuriboh video's on youtube.
Oh well, I guess tomorrow can be a blog post about ho much this year is going to suck!
Night!
I hope everyone else is going to be having a better day than me. At least I'm with friends, right?
Oh, yeah, and another thing. I have a job interview Wednesday with Marks and Spencer. They certainly ask for a lot. Lol.
I'm going now.
I'm trying to be positive about it, and think, well, at least it's my last year this year. But it doesn't seem to be working.
Oh, well, it's not going to be a long blog post today. I don't have time, I was like supposed to be turning in for bed like half an hour ago. I kinda got carried watching Little Kuriboh video's on youtube.
Oh well, I guess tomorrow can be a blog post about ho much this year is going to suck!
Night!
I hope everyone else is going to be having a better day than me. At least I'm with friends, right?
Oh, yeah, and another thing. I have a job interview Wednesday with Marks and Spencer. They certainly ask for a lot. Lol.
I'm going now.
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