I don't know what to feel...

Have you ever had one of those feelings?

I was told today by my Mother than my Uncle was going to die. He'd contracted the cancer that my Grandmother died of, but we'd hoped that they'd caught it quick enough to get rid of it.

They said today that it was only a matter of time before he was gone. And to be honest with you, I feel kind of emotionless, hollow. I feel bad for not feeling any more because everyone else in the family (well the people old enough to understand) are all feeling upset.

I personally don't know how to feel.

My Uncle, John, has lived away from the family for most of his life. So I never really got to meet him much besides in the family reunions around Christmas every year. So I did know him.

I thought I'd be sad. Sad, teary and not knowing what to do with myself.

But I'm the complete opposite. It's not that I don't care, it's just I'm used to family members dying and I know how to handle it myself.

He's been ill for quite some time now, so something like this was not unexpected. I guess I gave myself some mental preparation.

But if my brother saw this, he'd be screaming at me and telling me to be more lifelike feel something. I should be upset that my Uncle is going to die.

I am upset. I'm just dealing with it in a different way.

Does it always have to feel wrong to not feel anything at all?

My life is confusing, always full of pessimism. I know not to expect much from life, and death is a natural part of the course. So, I don't know what to think currently.

I'll get back to you on that one.

Life is always going to be like this.

So why bother being upset over something that everyone should know is going to happen eventually?

So, I'm going to be going for the night. Do some reading.

Clear my head.

Maybe I'll feel something then.

Night.