I'm actually quite happy.

For a change, right?

But that doesn't mean this is going to be a long post. I know my posts have been dismal to say the least lately. But I'm always doing my blogs late at night and I'm so tired that's all I can think of is going to sleep.

But that doesn't stop me from being at least slightly happy.

I got an email from Pizza Hut today and it said......


Rebeca,
Just a short email to update you on the progress of your application with Pizza Hut.  Your details are now able to be viewed by other Pizza Hut Delivery/Restaurants within your local area.  We will contact you should a position be available at one of these locations.



I know it doesn't sound like much, but it means the world to me. It shows that they've looked at my application and have decided to share it. I know it probably sounds bad, but it shows that even though they don't have an interest in me, the other restaurants might. I know it all seems really unbelievable and they'll probably turn around and tell me that I'm no good to them. But we all need to have a little hope somewhere, right?


Lately, I've been thinking a lot about my writing, well what I am writing, and I've noticed that like all of my ideas are practically the same, so I've decided to merge some of the ideas and bring them all down to size.


Which just means for me a lot more work, I mean, one of my ideas it's changed so much. But it's better, I like this idea more now than what I did the other one and I can't wait to start writing it again.


The problem with changing a lot of the ideas is I have to change titles, some characters, you know, the obvious stuff needs to be changed, but hopefully the end product will be all the better.


I'm actually quite excited at the moment. Though it probably doesn't show at all. I'm going to see Clash of the Titans tomorrow and it looks amazing.


Well, to be honest with you, the only reason I'm actually going to see it is because The Used were in the trailer. I don't think I'd probably be in such a rush to see it if it wasn't for that. But all's well that ends well, right?


Anyway. I'm off to bed for the night. I'm knackered and I have to be up early in the morning.

Banging headache

Which is why this isn't going to be a long blog post.

I applied for another job today, though I think this one was a mistake.

The job wasn't the mistake. You see, I'm 16, but I wasn't exactly paying attention when it said on the information, applicants must be over 18.

The job is great for me. Weekends, ten hours, dicounts on computers. I love that kind of thing.

I'm not too worried about it though because I know I won't get chosen for anything. I've just given up expecting feedback or a reply from some companies because they take so DAMN LONG to get back to you.

So yeah, that about sums up my whole day.

I'm supposed to have Welsh revision tomorrow, but I feel like shit, so I don't think I'll be going. I haven't told my Mum that there's any revision and I can do it in my house anyway.

So that's that I guess.

My heads killing me too much to care at the moment.

So I guess I'll be seeing you around.

Night!

Sorry this is such a short blog post, and that it's really strangely written, I'm off to bed and I want to make the blog post look a lot bigger than what it is....

Happy Easter!

I have to be honest, Easter is usually one my favourite holidays. But a lot has happened since last Easter. Last Easter I wasn't a recovering anorexic. It's taken me a while to fully comprehend that I was anorexic. And now that I know it, I see loads of the symptoms in some of my usual thoughts. Like, habitually I count my calories, I dent eat some foods because of how high in calories they are.

That was a serious time in my life where I'd hide my dinners and bin them, I'd only eat half of my meals at home. I'd do anything to not eat breakfast. I was always tired, I didn't know what to do with myself.

And you know what. I'm still getting over it. It's not exactly easy to get over it. I still have loads of problems with the amount that I eat, even though it's still only around half of what other people eat. I just can't stand my figure anymore. I always thought that the thinner that I was, the better. I've learnt since then that there are other ways to go about becoming thinner. Well, not thinner, I wouldn't be getting better if I was still trying to be smaller.

Okay, well I am technically because I still think I'm fat. And I do get stray thoughts sometimes where I think 'God, I can't wait to go to Uni, I don't have to worry about being forced to eat all the time. I can skip as many meals as I want'. And I hate to admit it, I'm sure that there will be a time when, and if, I go to Uni that I probably will have a relapse.

I hate being in the mental state of mind. But there's nothing I know I can do to get out of it. I can't tell my mum again, she'll take me back, I don't want to go back.

So, I'm trying to deal with this one on my own, though it's a lot harder than I thought.

Sometimes I do feel like just giving up. Just let my thoughts of starving myself to come over me again.

I mean, I was never bulimic. I've contemplated doing something like that, but I've never had the balls to do something like that.

That's one of the reasons why I love to read fiction novels like that, it comforts me to know, that even thought they're fictional, I can relate to them.

I hate it.

I sometimes wonder why I bother fighting. I know I'm fighting a losing battle. It's days like Easter that made me contemplate it even more. I see all the chocolate around me and I feel sick.

So, I've basically got all these eggs lying around and I don't know what to do about them.

I hate seeing them here. I might just give them away or something. I don't want them here.

They honestly do make me feel fat by just LOOKING at them

But anyway. Enough of my problems. I hope everyone is having a great holiday so far. I wish I could say the same. I've got a lot of revision to do now. The joyous holidays, right?

I know they say

That twitter is a form of mini blogging. But for people like me who try to blog everyday it's not exactly the same.

Do you know what I mean?

I mean, I strictly leave my other blog for one blog post a day, so that this blog comes into use for extra thoughts after blogging. Or something I forget to mention after posting the blog.

So when I try to get a hundred new tweets, it's easy. But to reach a new set of blogs I have to blog every day and it'll take like a hundred days.

But that's what I love about blogging. I can whatever I want for as long as I want and not have to worry about a 140 character word limit. I find that twitter is just a really short way of saying your thoughts or I have to put my thoughts on to lots of different tweets, which again instantly revs up the tweet count, so that I have like 1,500 tweets over there now. It's unbelievable.

But still, no matter how long it takes me to get to hundreds of blog posts over here, I prefer to write long, lengthy posts than raise the tweet count up easily.

This probably made no sense because I'm so tired.

So I'm going to sleep whilst you all try to figure out what in the Hell I'm on about, because to be honest with you. I don't have a clue what I'm on about.

Not much to say really.

It's been quite the slow day. I've started revising for the exams as I've had my timetable. It's not that bad. Most of it comes down to Maths, so I'm focusing a lot of my time on Maths.

I haven't tweeted as much and believe it or not I haven't applied for any jobs today. My mum went into town and saw a job advertisement in one of the shop windows so fingers crossed its still there when I go to town on Wednesday.

Since breaking up from school for the Easter holidays, I find that my days are so thrown off it's unbelievable. I mean, I keep thinking its Sunday or Monday, when I know it's actually Saturday. I suck really, don't I?

I was thinking a lot today about my writing career. I find that a lot of the ideas I have are similar. So I've started combining a lot of them. But then, that leaves some of them with really crappy titles. I can't think of any title's at all to one story I'm writing. So far it's got the title 'The Abandoned' but I googled it and it's already been taken by someone else, so I'm trying to think of another title for it. Working title of course, because title's aren't usually the easiest thing to come to me.

Ah, well, one'll come to be eventually.

Until then, good night!

It's Easter tomorrow. I can binge on as much chocolate as I want. Go me!

I've totally

Been watching loads and loads of Bleach today.

But surprisingly enough that is not the highlight of my day today. I know how this is going to sound but twitter has been the highlight of my day today.

You see, a group of Logan Lerman fans and I were attempting to get Logan into the Trending Topics board on twitter, I figuratively met like 20 new people today and they are all a load of fun. It was a really funny afternoon. Besides having to wait out the twitter limit on tweeting. I didn't know that there was a limit to how much tweets you do in an hour.

It was funny though. I posted over 400 tweets today solely on Logan Lerman, I hope he realizes that he does have dedicated fans on twitter. We tried to get Brandon T. Jackson on it, but he wasn't on twitter, or he was just ignoring the fans. Either way it was a really good day and you can obviously tell by the amount I'm not swearing.

By the way, I'm sorry for all of that, it's not exactly been an easy week. It's never an easy week really. But I'm stressed out and writing is my way of destressing. I had to vent it somehow.

Anyway, I'm tired and I fancy watching another episode of Bleach before hitting the hay.

Night!

My holidays start off

Pretty bad to be honest with you.

You want to know the reason behind it? I've got a cold sore. Yep. The first cold sore in Christ knows how long and it's a huge fucker.

I always used to get cold sores, but I haven't had one for quick some years now, and suddenly this little shit (well it's not exactly small) decides to jump out at me.

I'm going to try everything in the morning to get rid of it. Like I've been reading that nail varnish remover works, does it? I hope it does. I heard though that it swells your lip. I think I could live with a swollen lip though if it meant not having a cold sore.

I fucking hate them. Sorry for the language, its just that I hate them. Hate them with every ounce of my being.

It's late too. I'm not trying to put the swearing down to tiredness it's just that I'm pissed off with the world and this is not helping.

Gah, I could fucking kill myself at the moment. I have people coming over tomorrow and dance starts back tomorrow. It's Good Friday, but it ain't going to be that much of a good Friday anymore. I'm gonna be spending it getting rid of a fucking cold sore. I just can't fucking believe the timing.

It doesn't help either that it's SPRING! People don't usually get cold sores in the spring, it's just not right. The weather at the moment is just not right though. It's been snowing on and off for two days now. We're two months away from the summer there and there abouts, so where does the fucking snow come from?

Okay, I admit I really need to calm down on the swearing. I will stop. I promise. I just need to vent a little and swearing usually helps me. Besides writing of course.

Nothing seems to be going my way anymore.

I fucking hate how life turns out sometimes.

So I'll leave you all on such a happy note, I'm going to watch some Bleach then get to sleep I think.

And again, I sincerely apologize for the cussing, it's not usually like me to swear over the internet, I usually do it more at home where its only my family around.