Not long tonight.

I'm having a 'sleepover' with my younger sister.

Which usually means because my other sister isn't home who usually sleeps on the same room as her means that I have to fill the gap.

We're going to be watching Naruto. My DVD player is being temperamental. Good times, eh?

Anyway.

Blog post tomorrow'll probably be short because it is New Years Eve tomorrow.

Though, thing should return without hiatus on New Years Day.

God, don't I sound professional?

Lol.

Night!

There's not much to say

To be honest with you. I seem to be a pretty boring person, don't I?

And I'm not going to lie to you. I am a boring person.

Though, people do seem to find it interesting that I want to become an author... do you not meet many authors? I've met a few people who want to become authors.

Thinking about it, I do know a lot of people who also aspire to become authors. Though, I've never met them. I've spoken to loads of people via twitter though.

And that's probably one of the only good things about twitter. I meet loads of like-minded people who also share a similar aspiration to me.

Anyway, I'm going to bed to watch some FMA. The 2003 version. The original. Whatever you want to call it. There are some specific episodes I want to watch...

Night!

Damn, I don't know what's wrong with me

At the moment. I've been really bad on the updating front, haven't I?

I don't even know what came over me....

I thought I'd blogged yesterday, but obviously I'm not actually thinking about it enough. I was kinda distracted yesterday. I was writing for my story and I must have been thinking too much about that.

Well, I guess there really isn't an excuse for it. It's my New Years Resolution that I'm breaking and no one else's.

Oh, well.

Well, I went back to Winter Wonderland today. Did I tell what that was?

If not, I'll explain it to you now. It's basically a Christmas themed fun fair that comes around, ironically, at Christmas.

I went there last Sunday, with the family, and I went there today with my friends.

I always seem to spend a lot of money there. It doesn't help that it's really expensive in there.

I guess it can't be helped though, right?

So, I went there again today. It was good fun.

Then, we went to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 again.

I'm going to see that again on Thursday.

I'm not bored of it yet, obviously.

Sorry that this blog post seems kinda scattered and rushed.... my brother is here and I don't really like that he's looking over my shoulder as I'm blogging. I don't want him to read this stuff.

It's personal.

Night!

And thus brings

The end of Christmas.

I hope everyone enjoyed.

Today was better than yesterday, so I can't really complain.

I'm determined to finish FMA today though, I've got about 8 episodes left. So around 3 hours left.

I can do some writing, homework and revision then.

Should be good fun, right?

I'm actually really enjoying it and it's coming to a close now, so everything is going to be fun.

The reason I'm so determined to finish it?

I'm gonna link the video to this post. The video itself is amazing, but because I haven't finished the series and there are some clips from the ending, it's making me desperate to see the ending myself.

I know it's going to be sad though. God, I was nearly in tears when Envy was killed off. Though, in all fairness, his death was quite dramatic. I did feel really sorry for him.

Anyway, without any further ado. Here's the video.

PS. I hope the owner of the video doesn't mind that I posted it here.



Anyway. I'm getting back to the episodes.

Speak to you soon!

Merry Christmas!

I hope everyone has had a great day!

Mine's been okay.

There've been good moments, and bad moments I guess.

But it's Christmas, I guess I can't hold it against anyone, right?

So, I got my new iPod like I'd been asking for. And I'm really happy with everything else I got.

I've sat down and watched the first two DVD's of my FMA:B collection. Which did actually manage to make it on time. I'm really happy.

They weren't supposed to come for at least another week and a half yet....

But yeah.

Sorry I didn't blog post yesterday. I just completely forgot. I was so worn out after work and we had family over. I just forgot.

Am I forgiven?

Lol, I hope so.

Anyway.

I hope everyone had a great Christmas, or Holiday. Whatever you celebrate. I hope it was a good day. I'm not going to try and shove the whole 'it's more for the family than the presents' thing, because technically, one day of the year should just be the day to show your family that you care for them. You should do that everyday.

It's just, today is the day to show everyone you care for them by giving gifts and appreciating everything they've done for you since last year.

New Years Eve is going to be the extremely mushy one...

So, beware!

Lol.

Anyway.

I need to clean my bed before I can go to bed.

Its piled high with books and stuff that I got for Christmas.....


Night, everyone!

Finally going Christmas shopping tomorrow.

So, tomorrow's Christmas Eve Eve, and it's usually a tradition for my Dad and me to go in to town and go Christmas shopping.

But this year, because of my idiot brother, who knows full well that tomorrow is our Christmas shopping day, has gone out drinking tonight and will refuse to wake up tomorrow morning to get any parcels that come. Meaning my Dad has to stay home.

My mum and dad were going to come this year. But they're not now.

So, it's just my sister and me who's going Christmas shopping.

Sucks, right?

At least we're still going.

I've been waiting all week to go Christmas shopping and I'm finally able to go now.

I have no idea what I'm going to get everyone, but I'm sure that'll come to me, eventually.

Night!

I'm trying to get through

My iTunes mix.

I mentioned doing it last year, but, of course, a year has been now, so I'm just going to have to talk about it again.

Every year in December, I attempt to listen to every song on my iTunes list. It usually takes me the month, though last year, it sprang into like February. I just kept downloading more and more songs, so the faster I was getting through my list, the more songs that I was downloading.

I'm guessing that was just a faze.

I've only downloaded the FMA:B soundtrack now this year.

So far.

I'm on the G's now.

Yes, it has really taken me that long. I've got about 3,000 songs on my iTunes list, and though that probably doesn't even compare to most people's iTunes lists, it takes me a while because I don't leave my computer on all the time.

I'd be killing the electricity bill otherwise.

Anyway.

I worked most of today.

I hope I'll be getting quite a bit of money next pay day now. Should be fun, right?

Night!

Soooooo exhausted.

And I have good reason.

So, I was going to work this morning by 7, right?

I'm sure I must have mentioned that....

I might have forgotten, but, whatever...

So, I started work at 7 this morning. And, I was supposed to finish at 3, but because of the snow, and everyone calling in, I didn't finish till 6.

I was knackered.

And I'm working tomorrow at 10.

Damn me.

Why did I have to mention coming in earlier?

I should have known that she'd jump at the chance to bring me in early.

Anyway.

I'll bring you the low down tomorrow. If thats how it's said anyway.

I'm working 10 till 10 tomorrow.

Good fun, eh?

Night!

I've been on blogger for over a year...

And I didn't celebrate it?

Man, I thought I'd joined later on, like around now, not on the 7th of December. I would have done something about it.

Damn it.

I'll have to mark it down on my calender now so that I have a reminder for next year.

Okay,

Just done that.

I am actually quite ashamed of myself for this one. Because, if I'd known when it was coming, I would have done something big about it. It's not everyday I'm this committed to something. I usually quit on the blogger front some few days after I start it, though every time I do start a blogger, I start it with the intentions of blogging everyday.

I tend to be forgetful.

And with blogging, it happens all the time.

I've been quite persistent on this one though.

I like how easy it is to blog on blogger. Not that it wasn't easy on other sites, I just like the layout on this one.

And I'm not confused by the layout and what happens on it.

Like, I had this livejournal, and I was so confused by it that I didn't know what I was doing with it....

It probably also helped that I made blogger my screen opener thingy on safari. What do they call it? A homepage?

I don't know.

But my dashboard is my safari open page.

That's also there like a constant reminder that I need to be blogging.

Though there have been a few days where I haven't blogged. But if I'm by a computer and I have a few minutes to spare, then I'll blog.

Usually about nothing in particular like now.

So, do you want to know what I did?

Well, considering this is a blog, and well, no one reads it anyway, so I'm guessing it's okay to talk about my day.

I woke up about 9-ish, my cat, Tabby jumped on me and started purring like crazy.

So, I attempted to fall asleep, but I failed, so I started reading this fanfiction I'd started last night.

I was really enjoying it when my Dad shouted and asked me if I wanted a cup of tea. Being a Brit, I answered, sure.

I went downstairs, had my tea and talked a bit before I was told to go to my room and get dressed. We were putting the Christmas decorations up.

I went to my room, and read some more fanfiction before my mum started getting all naggy and I eventually got dressed and went downstairs to put the Christmas decorations up.

Whilst putting really loud Christmas music on, we put the decorations up.

After that.

I went back to bed and read some more fanfiction.

At around 2 I was called to help sort dinner out.

After dinner. I proceeded to go back to bed and read until my iPod died of battery loss.

I turned on the computer.

I loaded up some Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood episodes. I got past the dilemma and just decided to hell with it, I could watch it in both languages...

I watched some FMA:B

Went downstairs, washed my shirt for tomorrow.

Went back to my room.

Read fanfiction and watched FMA:B.

Showered.

And here I am now, blogging about my day.

Interesting, right?

Not.

Anyway.

Hopefully some other people have had a more motivated day than me...

Night.

I think I deserved a lazy day though, I've been really busy for the last couple of days...

Maybe I should...

Make ASDA like a permanent second home or something, because I seem to be spending my life there at the moment.

Though, thankfully, I have a day off tomorrow.

But you know what that means, right?

Revision for exams coming up in January.

But on a nicer note. I'm going to be doing some more writing for Molly.

I'm not going to be watching more Brotherhood episodes until they come out in English. Not that I have anything at all against the Japanese one. I'm sure it's amazing.

But I watched all of the original FMA in English and my head can't get into the whole watching it in Japanese. I have enough patience to wait. It's not like I'm not doing enough anyway to get too caught up in it all.

I think that about covers everything.

Don't you?

Night!

I'm not really doing all that much with my life lately. So, there's not a lot to talk about. Maybe I should do a countdown to Christmas. It's what? A week away now.

I still haven't bought any Christmas presents for the family yet...

Maybe I need to get on with that soon....

Ouch...

So, it snowed last night, as forecasted. And it snowed bad.

School was cancelled, which was a good thing on the part that I wasn't going to turn up in the first place, so, I now don't get an unauthorized absence.

But I didn't go out with my friends.

So, I don't really enjoy sitting at home doing nothing when I had planned to go out. So I phoned work.

And from 11.29  in the morning until 9.06 in the night. I worked.

I wonder how much money I earned?

It was probably a lot. Probably not.

Anyway.

Not going to talk much. I'm super tired and I'm working again tomorrow.

Good times, eh?

Night!

I'm soooo tired.

So, I've been working again tonight.

They called me this morning and asked me to work. And, of course, me being me, I said I could.

So, until about 8.30 I was working on the Pizza's. Then, I went and helped close up fish, and then just as I was getting back to pizza's, I was asked to go down to meat and help pack up the meat.

So, I think I have a right to be tired.

But yeah, anyway.

I'm going to watch one episode of FMA:B then I'm going to sleep. I need to call in the morning to see if I'm working or not.

Good times, eh?

Tomorrow's pay day, so all's good...

Night!

Do you think it's a bit obsessive...

When you want to watch this one show, 24/7?

Yes, as you probably know, I've been watching a lot of FMA:B.

But today has gone beyond anything that I've done so far. It got to the point where I was watching it in my free lessons in school....

But yeah, I'm kinda still watching it...

So, I'm going to leave you now, and it is pretty late you know....

Night!

So, sometimes...

I think I may talk a little too loud when I'm not supposed too......

So, as I think I mentioned yesterday, I've been watching Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood.

It's very good and very different from the original series. Well, when I say original, I should really say the other series.

They should really be treated as two different shows that contain most of the same characters and even though the stories have the same base line, they build up to be something completely different...

Anyway.

Back on topic. So, I've reached episode 17 now, and I just watched the episode where Ed found out about Hughes being dead.

It was really sad, but I couldn't help but scream "BITCH!" when I found out that Lust was dating Havoc. I was like. God, she's such a slut...

Lol, not really, but now that I'm typing this, that's what comes to mind, even though I don't actually know if she's a slut or not...

Moving forward.

Not much else to say really.

I'm quite tired, but I'm going to watch one more episode of FMA:B before going to bed.

I'm, like, totally addicted to this...

Kinda like what I was like when I was watching FMA for the first time....

Night!

I sometimes get the feeling

That one of the higher ups in work doesn't like me. I think she's the assistant manager or something, but whatever.

It was like, she was okay with me when I was doing everything she wanted me to do, but when I said I couldn't do one shift, she turned on me.

Oh well, I guess there's not much I can do about it. Only try and get more shifts and hope that they keep me on after Christmas, because currently my job search is proving rather futile...

Anyway.

I've been watching Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood.

I'm putting a wild guess that I didn't enjoy it at first because it was all in Japanese. And not that I have something against the Japanese dubs, I just watched the whole of Fullmetal Alchemist in English, and I'm not used to watching it in Japanese.

Plus, it's easier to understand...

But moving on...

Night!

So, my mum

Is going back into hospital tomorrow.

I know it's something that's going to effect us as a family. But, I don't want to say anything about it in school. I know it probably sounds really judgmental of the people I go to school with, but half of them will think that I'm lying because my Mum was only in hospital quite recently, and we're still paying for that one now.

Well, I am, I'm still in the homework catch-up process...

But yeah, I've told work that I can't work tomorrow. But I'm pretty sure they'll call me, they haven't rotared  me in, but they didn't do that last week either. I'm not sure how I'm going to do it, and I won't have Mam there to call if something does happen.

I certainly can't complain about it to my friends though, I wanted to tell them, but I haven't.

I'm not sure about the reason.

Anyway.

Hoping everyone had a good weekend.

It's the last week in school before Christmas. Is everyone as excited as I am... Well, I'm not actually all that excited about anything at the moment...

Night!

So, I finished this

Completely awesome Naruto fanfiction I've been reading. It was actually really, really good.

So, when it comes to reading Naruto fanfiction, I can be quite wary. You either have really good ones, ones with good ideas, but are actually really bad. Some that are just purely unbelievable. Poorly written. Amazingly written. Decent idea, great writing. You get the idea.

I think this one categorized under the 'pretty good writing, totally awesome idea'. In this story, the Uchiha massacre never happened. The Kyuubi attack never happened. Well, it did, but not in Naruto's lifetime. It was about werewolves and foxes. Naruto knew he was a werewolf. He'd inherited it from his father. He knew his mother, hated his father, but just didn't know that his mother was a demon fox.

I'm not explaining it all that good. But, it was like, a completely different, but amazing idea. I am definitely looking forward to it being updated. You don't usually come across such amazing fanfictions as these.

Only occasionally.

Then, I tend to settle for ones I like to call 'guilty-pleasure'. Ones that are okay in writing, and ideas that are guilty pleasures of mine.

When it comes to Naruto, it usually boils down to:

• Naruto being exiled and becoming a mercenary. 
• Naruto being a secret ANBU member for the series.
• Secretly awesome Naruto.
• High-school Naruto.
• Naruto doing drugs or suffering from some sort of abuse (I know. That ones is kinda wrong....)

But yeah, when the going gets tough on Naruto. These are the kind of fanfictions that I tend to read.....

But anyway...

Its late, like really late, and I've been working, so I'm really tired...

Night!

Have you ever noticed

That when it's cold, people complain that they want it to be sunny like in the Summer. And when it's hot, like in the Summer, people complain that they want the winter?

That's something Jordan and me were discussing in town as we were getting Christmas presents. For me, I prefer the spring/autumn when it's not too cold and not too hot either. When the temperature is just right. Well, for me anyway.

But anyway.

I'm no good at philosophy so I'm not going to sit here and be all, I don't know, philosophical?

Lol.

Anyway.

I'm back in work tomorrow. And it's the evening shift, on a Saturday. It's going to be hell...

I hope everyone else will have a better evening than me, though I do think that I'll probably have a good time. I tend to, it's a job that I don't really have to think all that much about....

Anyway.

Night! It's getting really late, I should have blogged earlier but I was watching a Naruto marathon with my younger brother.

Second day off work

And I find myself strangely missing the rushed and disorganized life of working in ASDA. If I don't get a phone call by my break time in school tomorrow, I'm going to ring her myself and ask when my next shifts are.

It's quite strange actually. I thought I'd be grateful for the break, but I just want to get back there. I like working there.

I never thought I'd actually say that....

Anyway, I'm going Christmas shopping for my friends tomorrow. Well, by friends, I mean Jordan because everyone else has lessons. No matter.

We'll have fun.

Maybe I'll be working tomorrow.

Anyway.

I'm hoping that ASDA decide that they want to keep me on because I would love to keep working there, especially on the counters. I really, really like it there.

I do miss it, actually. I don't feel the same now that I'm not working there. I shouldn't have turned that shift down.

Anyway.

I have a Welsh test tomorrow. I feel poorly underprepared for it, but at this current moment in time. I couldn't care less....

I'm going to bed now.

Night!

First day off work

And it has been relaxing, as planned.

I've done some of the Naruto marathon with my younger brother, so he's now cool with me. And I'm feeling a lot less tired and more able t do things now.

Though, blogging isn't going to be one of them.

Sorry!

I've spent most of my free time writing for Molly.

It doesn't seem to be going anywhere at the moment, and there seems to be an air of secrecy at the moment. Like, I'm hinting towards what's going to happen and what's happening, but I don't feel like it's ready enough to talk about what is actually happening yet.

Oh, well.

Seen as though it's been a long night, even though I haven't been working.

I'll speak to you all soon.

Night!

I've finally got a day off tomorrow.

I was asked to go in tomorrow, and I've said I can't. To be honest with you, I'm just too tired to even think about going into work anymore.

I've got a life outside of work too.

Though, I do hope that me saying that I can't work has left a bad image. I don't want it to look bad and ruin my chances of being kept on.

I don't know what I would do if I lost my job.

Well, I guess I'll just have to go back to the job hunt. It's just that this time, I have some really good experience. I've worked in a proper retail place, and I've been paid for it. It's lasted longer than a week so, it actually counts for something.

Anyway.

I hope everything is going okay with everyone else.

I've got my hopes up. I've only got next week in school now. Then its the Christmas holidays!

Yay!

Anyway.

Night!

Not going to be a long post tonight

Because, I think is slowly becoming my second home.

You see, I was called in again today, and I'm in again tomorrow. I'm so tired lately that I'm having trouble focusing in school.

I guess that I'll get used to it eventually, but it's just  a lot to deal with at the moment.

And, incidentally, my mum is going back into hospital on Monday. She's assured us it's nothing serious, she found a lump on her breast, but they've been to the doctors about it, and has had all these tests, and it's apparently not cancer.

Thankfully.

But anyway.

I'm going to bed.

I'm just too tired, and my back is aching me from just sitting in this chair, let alone stay here for any length of time.

Night!

My back hurts....

So, I've successfully (or unsuccessfully, it depends on which way you want to think about it), finished my third shift in work.

I never realised how much it would hurt!

You see, today was an 8 hour shift, and by the end of it, I could barely move. My back was killing. I'm known for having back problems in any case (I used to be a dancer, I did Ballet, tap, jazz and modern, this apparently has something to do with it), so, standing around for 8 hours did not help at all.

I think I've gotten the hang of making pizza's now. I'm making a lot more than what I did on the first night, and Dawn said, be prepared for a few calls this week. We've been having staffing problems apparently.

Which is, hopefully, good news for me because then they'll, hopefully, keep me on after Christmas.  I'm really grateful to them as it is, because they've actually taken me on, and are giving me shifts. Not many people would have taken me on, especially a big company like ASDA. I would have expected them to have only taken on people with retail experience.

I must have struck lucky somewhere.

The only thing that doesn't seem to be working out for me at the moment, is the fact that I seem to be getting loads of burns at the moment from work. I keep burning my fingers on the thing to seal the pizza's when I put the cling film on them.

Oh, well,
I'm sure that's something that I'll get rid of in a couple of shifts.

It looks like I'll be getting them.

Night!

Too tired to think.

So, every part of my body is aching. Mainly for the fact that I've been working.

And I'm working again tomorrow at 8 in the morning. How bad is that?

Okay, to most people, it's probably not bad at all. But it is for me.

I'm tired enough as it is...

Anyway.

Going to bed early.
Maybe I'll have time to write some stuff for Molly tomorrow. After work, and after I've written my essay plan, and done some work for English language. Sounds like kinda  a lot. Homework gets priority tomorrow.

But yeah, the essay plan shouldn't take me too long, then the coursework shouldn't be too bad. If I like analyze Catcher in the Rye and take it to Mr Shaw to have a look over and ask him if it's okay at the moment. Then, I can, hopefully, do some writing for Molly.

Moving on.

See you tomorrow.

I'm sure all of this working is going to make me fit in the end....

Night!

Finished my first shift

For work.

And boy am I tired.

So, this morning. I went to school, and when I checked my phone break time, I had a missed call. From ASDA. So, I phoned them back. She had said something over the phone about me not turning up for a shift I was supposed to have yesterday night.

I had no idea I even had the shift.

So, I apologised to my manager, whom I met today, by the way. He said it happened often. Okay. So, maybe this woman isn't exactly the most organized. There are moments I feel that my brain isn't there either...

But yeah, it was really hard. I was on the pizza counter. There were supposed to be five of us. There was only two of us. Me and this other woman. So, it must have been bad for her, because I didn't know anything, and she had to basically handle most of it on her own.

Though, by the end, I  can officially say to you, that I'm trained to make a halfway decent pizza.

And I also smell like one.

Lol.

Anyway.

I'm too tired to talk about anything else. Gareth, my manager, said he'd get her to ring me if I was working tomorrow.

Sounds like fun, eh?

Night!

So...

I've decided to put Danny's story on hold for the moment, as a different story. One that's been in the making for quite a long time now has come to the forefront of my attention lately.

So, I'm not writing the story of Molly Jackson. It's quite a bit more lighthearted than Danny's story. It's got less heavy themes in it. Though, as always, it's a fantasy story. Probably aimed more at teens. You can find it on fictionpress

www.fictionpress.com/~beehumphrey 

I'm just going to post it there. One of the main reasons being. On fictionpress, it's supposedly held on copyright. Which, here, on blogger, it's open domain, so anyone can take it. I didn't think of that when I was posting Danny's story.

So, I probably won't be posting more here. I'll be posting more over there now.

At least I'm putting my fictionpress account to use. It doesn't really do much. I opened it with the intentions of, like, putting loads of stuff on it.

Sadly, I think, it was around that time when I was off writing for a while, but I seem to be getting back into the swing of things now.

So, maybe my stuff will get noticed. But there's a load of stuff on there, so it's highly unlikely. I just want to share my work. And the stuff that I'm posting is only first drafts in any case. They'll probably change loads by the time it comes to actually seeking out someone to publish them properly in books.

But yeah, writing seems to be putting me in a good mood.

So, all's good.

Tomorrow is my first shift of work, and I'm coming down with a cold. How bad is that?

It all sucks.

Anyway.

Speak to you tomorrow I guess. Where I will continue to talk about my adventures in working....

Night!

It's the first of December.

And I don't coming bearing good news even though it's the beginning of Advent.

So, you see. Well, you don't see, I'll just talk.

My sister's been cutting herself.

Yep.

Just found out today.

That's not the reason why I'm blogging though. Well, necessarily, yes it is. But I'm going to be talking about it in a way, which to most people, will seem really offensive. But it's something that I'd like to say to her face, but knowing my luck, she'd flip out and start cutting herself more just to spite herself.

What I want to say to her, that this is probably the lowest form of stupidity that I've ever seen someone achieve. I don't care what the reason behind it is (it's got something to do with being stressed out from exams. I don't think that this is even a margin of a good reason to start self harming. It's not even a reason at all), but it's the most idiotic and cowardly thing I've ever seen you do.

I want to tell her, that some crappy and stupid exams are not a good enough reason to self harm. Nothing is a good enough reason to self harm. Gah, I hate it when people cut themselves, thinking 'I'm cutting to myself because I can't handle life.' Self harm has got to be one of those things that really piss me off.

I just don't see the point in it. What are you going to gain by doing it? Is it going to make the exams stop? Or whatever other reason you're cutting yourself for stop? No, it isn't. So grow up. Accept that exams are stressful. Open your eyes. Everyone else is feeling the same way as you. You have everything you ever need. Supporting parents who are worried about you. A school that's passed every other year before you, so what's now going to make any difference?

It just pisses me off, is all.

Sure, everyone has a shitty moment in their lives, or live shitty lives. Get shitty luck. God, look at me. Molested and raped. But the thought of killing myself and self harming has never even crossed my mind. I don't want to take the easy route out. I want to be able to grow up and say. Yeah, I lived through it. Sure, it got to me sometimes and I was depressed about it. But I never let it get to the point where I would want to end my life. I would never even consider. I mean, it passed through my mind on a brief occasion. The 'What difference would it make if I was here?', and when I was truly depressed about what had happened. The one thing that would keep me going was. I can't kill myself yet. I don't know how Naruto is going to end.

I know, right?

But what's the point? What's the point in trying to kill yourself. I just can't get the idea.

One thing she did that pissed me off too. Was when I'd been standing in the cold for ten minutes waiting for her, wondering what the hell she was doing to be so late getting out of school. She tells me Mam and Dad are at the school. She doesn't answer me when I ask why. We walk to get her bag. Walk back out. I ask again. She shows me lines across her wrist (isn't that supposed to be like a cry for attention?), quite proudly might I ask. I ask, where did you get them? A razor she says proudly.

That's what pissed me off. It's like she wasn't doing it for any specific reason, just to tell me 'oh, yeah, look at what I've been doing? I'm so fucking cool, aren't I?'.

The first thought that ran through my head was. No, you're fucking stupid, that's what you are.

Anyway.

I guess, since I'm not going to say it to her face unless I'm ridiculously angry with her. Then there's no point in going on about it.

See you soon I guess.

I'm not sure whether it's the right atmosphere or not to put 'Night!' on this blog. It doesn't seem to be....

P.S. Sorry for swearing. I kinda got carried away. I don't usually swear on my blog. Emotion just got the most of me. I guess, I'm usually just an unemotional bastard sometimes...

Lol,

What can you do, eh?

And thus, NaNoWriMo

Is officially over.

Well, in less than two hours anyway.

I kinda feel depressed that I never finished what I planned on writing. But I've been on a writing standstill, and to be honest, I just haven't had the time.

School and my Mother being the main reasons.

Actually, those are probably the only reasons.

Lack of inspiration has never really bothered me before. So, I can't really pin it down to that.

There's always next year, anyway.

So, it was my last ever Parents Evening tonight as part of my school. Hopefully they don't do Parents Evening's in University, because I hate them. Well and truly.

So, my idea of ending up in Birmingham for University, has basically been crushed. Though, I'm not all that bothered about it to be honest with you. Aberystwyth is the only one that's actually stuck in my head at the moment.

Anyway.

So, Birmingham want AAA, when my predicted grades are BBC. Though I do have one A coming from the Welsh Baccalaureate.

I guess you can't win them all.

That's all really. I'm getting quite nervous about my shift on Friday with work. But not overly nervous... yet. I'm sure it'll all sink in on Friday.

I'm not going to think about it until then....

Night!

So.....

After a brief stint of actually doing some, or one, decently lengthy blog, I find myself incapable of continuing.

I don't actually have all that much to talk about today, and I need to keep this blog quick because I have some last minute touches to do for English lit coursework.

Anyhow.

I hope everyone had a good day. Praying for some snow over here. Though the forecast has changed dramatically over the last few days. We've gone from Blizzards to nothing.

Oh well.

It doesn't really bother me either way...

Night!

So, I was supposed to write my

English language investigation for my English coursework today.

Guess what?

I never got around to it. Considering that I'd been helping out a lot today as my mum and dad were decorating, and then when i did finish helping, there was like little time to myself. So, I ended up watching some TV. I'll get around to it tomorrow. I might do it in my free lesson tomorrow lesson 4, or I might just wait until I get home to do it. Home it'll probably be. I can't work in school, especially during my free lessons. No one else does work in the computer room in school, and I get really self-conscious when people are staring down at my computer screen. It's like, if I was more confident, I'd shout 'What the hell do you think you're looking at?'.

But me being who I am, I know they'd probably kick my ass and then laugh at me for the remainder of my school career.

Luckily, I'm in my last year of school with most of these people. But, you know, word spreads. And I'll probably be held against it even if I become a recognized author (people can dream right?).

That's one thing that's on my list of goals. It's not that I want to make a lot of money out of writing. I just want to be a recognized author. Anything above that is a great bonus. I want to go on book tours. Meet great people. Meet people who hate me. Either way, criticism is always great for writing, right?

I want people to acknowledge me as a writer. But most of all. I just want to be able to write. I love writing. As you can hopefully tell through the amount that I blog, though I know it's been really short on content lately. I never find blogging to be a chore. I love it, and I wouldn't stop blogging now. Well, if I had a good reason to then I guess I'd have to stop. But currently, I blog every night that I can. The only nights that I don't blog is when I'm not at home, or I know I'm going to be too drunk to blog.

Anyway.

I guess dreaming of becoming an recognized author is a bit far off at the moment. But I do plan on becoming a published author. Heck, if Stephenie Meyer can find a Literary Agent, how can't I?

Well, first off I need to look. But first, I want to get University out of the way and have a decent job enough to afford my own place to rent and all that. Then, Literary Agents. You watch out because I'll be coming for you!

On that happy note, I shall be leaving you now....

Night!

I guess I overreacted the other day

When I was talking about my job.

I got a phone call today, and they want me in next Friday. So, yay! My first shift.

Though I am quite nervous about it. I'm not sure where I'll be working and all that kind of stuff. I hoe they remember that I need training....

Anyway, I'm going to bed early-ish for once. I've been watching a Naruto Marathon with Tim and Jess, as it has been for the last couple of weeks because I'm not going out because I'm attempting to save some money....

It's not going all that well at the moment.

So,

Night!

Speak to you soon!

So, I've been out drinking...

So, first off I'd like to apologize for any spelling mistakes, or any inconsistencies in what I'm typing. My thought process isn't as straightforward as it used to be.

Anyway.

So I went out for Anys's 18th Birthday today in a Japanese restaurant called Wasabi. It was really nice. In terms of Naruto fandom's I ate a Miso Ramen. It was really good, though after having it, I find it really hard to see how he could eat so much of the stuff. I was stuffed after having like half a bowl.

Remembering here, that he is a fictional character, of course...

After that, we went to some wine bar, and had a few more drinks. Then Ffion's Dad came and picked us up.

Yeah, it's been a good day. I've hardly thought about ASDA all day.

Night!

Don't you just sometimes hate life?

So, my day started out tired.

I woke up, dreading the fact that we had mock interviews today for University.

So, as the day passes, my unease, eases, and I have my interview and it all goes well. I was happy with how it all went.

But of course, when you're me, when something seems to be going right for you. Something worse just has to happen to balance it out. Because that's just how unfair life is.

Did I tell you that I'd been getting problems from ASDA? Probably not, because as Karma goes, I don't like to mention what's going good in my life because it usually means something bad is just around the corner, or just mentioning something that frustrates me, the big man upstairs thinks it's funny to screw with my life even worse and make what I'm frustrated about, and make everything ten times worse than what I thought it was going to be...

But moving back onto topic. So, I went into work on Saturday to do my computer training thing to be able to go on to the shopfloor and finally start working.

The man who took my training day, asked me if I'd had my shifts yet, to which I replied, no, I had not. So he got on the phone to the assistant manager or something of whomever runs the counters and asks her to come up and arrange some shifts with me.

So, I leave there feeling quite accomplished. I've met my assistant manager, and she says she'll phone me in a couple of days.

Tuesday comes. Nothing is heard. My mum says, maybe you should ring them and find out what's going on. I say, well, it was only Saturday, I'll leave her until tomorrow, because I don't want to come across as impatient.

Wednesday comes, and even though I'm hoping against everything, nothing comes through. I ring ASDA. Get through to the counters. Sorry she's not in today. Okay, I was ringing to find out what shifts I had, she told me on Saturday she'd give me a call in a few days with what shifts I'm supposed to be working. Okay, she said to me, I'll leave her a message tomorrow and she'll ring you.

I sat patiently all day today, and I heard no call. I was losing my patients. I hate feeling left in the dark. So, after I came home, I waited until 4.30 with the meager hope. Okay, maybe she's just waiting for me to come home from school before she rings me. Ha, me hoping that someone's being considerate for me. Thinking about my education first.

So, I ring her up. I say, Hey! It's Rebeca here, you told me on Saturday you'd give me a call about shifts that I'm supposed to be working. Oh, right, well, there's no shifts for you. We're over waged (or something I don't really remember, I was going into like depression on this point), and we can't take you on at the moment. I'll give you a call when something comes up. Me: Oh. Her: Bye now. She hung up.

I went downstairs.

Mam goes, so what shifts are you working? None. She said that there weren't any shifts for me.

What? She said that they couldn't afford it or something and she'd ring me if anything came up.

My mum then goes on some feeble attempts to cheer me up. I go to my room. I cry, because I think, why do I have to suffer like this? Everyone around me seems to get jobs easy enough. Then I remember, they knew the managers. They got their jobs because they know them and they've been promised a job. I cry some more.

Then I decide, what's the point in crying? I check websites for jobs. I apply for two.

I watch some Supernatural on the internet to see what happens. To try and cheer myself up.

But stray thoughts come to my mind. What am I supposed to do now? I was so happy when I got the job. I really needed it. Now I'm jobless again. I'm at square one. Again.

But, then I was thinking. Why did she not want me there? I wasn't even given a chance to show her that I could be a good worker. She seemed really impatient when I was on the phone to her, and I know now that I'm thinking about it, if I had not rang her, she would have never rang me. She was too scared to face me.

So now I'm at square one again.

Hopefully the future holds something bright for me, because if my life is going to be like this, then it's not going to be a happy one... It's going to be one on the poor side, where I'll struggle to keep a job and nothing will go my way....

I had this really

Random urge to catch up with my Supernatural episodes.

So, I watched the second episode of season 6 today.

I mainly got the urge because I'm subscribed to a person on youtube, who uploads all of the trailers and stuff for the new episodes. And by a general rule, I don't watch them, it's just that sometimes, I get curious and I have to watch it.

Similarly with the finale of Season 5. I saw this really, really awesome music video that had scenes from the season finale. The video has been taken down now because of copyright reasons, but it was just a purely amazing video.

But yeah,

Just thought I'd let you know that I saw the second episode.

I've also got mock interviews for University tomorrow.

Should be fun, right?

Probably not. I'll probably end up crying my eyes out at how badly I did.

Guess you don't get everything in life, right?

Night!

PS I'm still waiting to hear back from work about what my shifts are. Should be fun, right?

Not much to say really

But one thing.

School is really starting to get on my nerves at the moment. Especially with the whole UCAS thing. I finished my Personal Statement a few times already. I've handed it in multiple times. They said it was good to go after a while, then turned around and said that it wasn't good enough.

So I've finished it again. And when I went to email it to my teacher for the UCAS form, it turns out, the email system isn't working at the moment.

So, to say that I'm frustrated is a lie.

I'm beyond the point of frustration.

So, I'm going to hand in my Personal Statement again tomorrow, and pray that its okay. Otherwise, I will raise hell.....

Probably not, but I'll be overly frustrated and stressed out....

Hoping everyone else's time is better than mine....

Night!

So...

There's not much really to talk about today. Well, I currently can't think of anything to say.

I've been thinking quite a bit about Forget lately. But, I still can't figure out what exactly I want to happen in this sequel without giving away too much in the beginning.

I'll figure it out eventually I guess. But for now, it's just in the simple process of being thought of in my mind. It doesn't help that I'm reading Last Exit to Brooklyn, whilst being a really good book. It tends to depress me, and shock me at the same time at the simple brutality of the book.

Yeah,

I think I might read more of Hubert Selby Jr.

He seems like a pretty decent writer to me.

That's, of course, after finishing everything else I've got to read for school and other books I've got waiting to be read.

Anyway.

Not much else to go on about at the moment.

Speak to you soon, where tomorrow, I'll probably rant about dentists. I hate going to the dentist.

Night!

I'm feeling slightly apathetic

I'm not really feeling anything at the moment. I'm just numb.

I did my English Literature homework, finally, and have since been reading this one fanfiction about Naruto.

I'm still waiting for a phone call from work with all my shifts.

I don't understand why they can't just say to me, okay, well, it'll be good if you came in next Saturday, we'll train you up and you'll be good to go.

Obviously, things don't run that smoothly.

Anyway.

Not much else to talk about. As the seconds go by, I'm getting more and more tired.

Like seriously tired. I don't know where it comes from, because I'm getting enough sleep. It just happens randomly. I just get weeks where I just can't be bothered to be doing anything....

So, I'll be seeing you tomorrow...

Night!

Some thoughts and feelings

I wrote down what I was feeling yesterday, as I was feeling quite you know, low-key.

I thought it might be good to share it with the world.

Be warned, it can come across as self-pitying and depressing, but that's what I get like when I'm writing for myself...

No one really knows how I feel.
That's something I feel I have to remind myself every day as I force a smile, a laugh.
I told them, and yet, I don't feel any different.
I thought admitting it happened would make things so much easier to bare.
That all my depression would go away.
It's just made me more ashamed, more embarrassed that I let it happen.
It's my fault.
I know it's my fault.
If I'd understood and stood up for myself, I wouldn't have been in the same situation as I am know.
I don't understand why people have to take it so far out of proportion.
It's not like I would know any different.
It's not like pitying me is going to change anything.
I hate talking about this kind of thing in school.
Everyone laughs at the topic.
Child Molestation.
They should have stood up for themselves.
They can't sympathise.
They haven't suffered the same as I have.
They don't know what it's like.
They can't even begin to comprehend what it feels like then and in the present.
It has it's effects.
Subtle differences in a persons character that aren't there for other people.
They just don't understand how I feel.
I don't understand how I feel.
I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel.
I don't know how I'm supposed to act.
I want to tell people.
Speak up for myself, and those that have suffered similarly.
But the words get stuck in my throat.
Sometimes I feel caged and the people outside are just starting in at me.
Laughing behind my back.
I'm constantly paranoid about what people are saying about me behind my back.
Reading is a form of escapism for me.
A chance to live a life I never have before.
But it doesn't last long.
I know that one day, I'll have to face what happened.
But currently, I don't feel nearly ready enough.

So, yeah, these kind of thoughts come more and more often. I don't want to see anybody about it. It only proves that it happened. I don't want to admit that. Ignorance is bliss, right?

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1

Now that's a bit of a mouthful for a film title. I tend to just say Harry Potter 7, but oh well.

Anyway, I thought that the film was amazing. Of course, as any other film, it has it's ups and downs. But I thought that the film in itself was just everything I was hoping it was going to be.

The music was amazing.

The cinematography was amazing.

Costumes.

Most of the acting was really good. I felt that Hermione's acting kind of let the whole film down. But Dan Radcliffe made up for all of that. I thought he was probably the best of he film. Not that there was much of anyone else to show case enough acting.

Most of the actors had like one or two lines and that was it.

Overall (sorry it's quite short. It's really late and I have to get up early for work in the morning...), it was a really good film. I thought that for what was in the first half of the book, they did it a lot of justice, seen as though the major things happen around the second half of the book. So I'm expecting for the next one to be even better than this one. It has a high bar to beat.

Awesome film.

I'm thinking of getting the soundtrack, just to listen to it over and over again....

Night!

I was supposed to

See a medium today. This woman was supposed to give me some psychic reading on my future. It's what my friend wanted for her Birthday.

But here's the funny part. The medium never showed up.

We phoned her on many occasions, and her excuse was that she couldn't find us. Needless to say, my friends mother is never going to call her again.

But yeah,

the only other exciting thing to be going on in my life at the moment is Harry Potter, which, just for the sake of knowing, I am seeing twice tomorrow. The first showing at 9 in the morning, and then again at 7 in the night.

I'm hoping it's going to be as good as it looks because otherwise I just wasted a lot of money on tickets.

I'm sure I'll post a review on it tomorrow.

As you can tell, there's not a lot going on in this blog post at the moment, that's because I was planning on talking about so, we're kinda left with nothing at the moment.

So, I guess I'll see you tomorrow with our Harry Potter review. Should be fun, right?

Night!

I didn't realise how late it had gotten

I've been looking up all this new stuff for the iPod touches, seen as though that's the only thing on my Christmas list. I told my mum that I'd probably need a 32gb one. She told me I had no hope in hell. I checked online just now and they don't do 16gb. And my 8 is full.

I think she might have to settle that this one is just going to have to be a 32.

She has asked me if I would be willing to go back to a normal nano. I said no. Mainly for the fact that I'm not sure if I would be able to live without the internet on them. That's probably one of the biggest things that gets used on my iPod. Youtube, Internet, and music. I don't really download all that many video's because I can get them on youtube, I don't put many pictures on my iPod, and I don't generally get all that many games on it.

So, basically my iPod is poorly underused, but I can't even imagine not using an iPod touch. It's just something that's in my blood now.

As you can see, I'm bit of a fangirl for my iPod touch, though I'm sure that there are more people out there that use their iPods a lot more than me...

It's a 2nd Generation I have, by the way, I'll be upgrading to a 4th gen, in all honesty, if I could just put more memory on my iPod and fix the battery life on it, I would be in heaven. I don't really care if my current iPod is updated or I get a new one. It's just that there isn't a lot of memory left on mine now. Actually, there isn't any memory left. I have 2 iPods now, both 8gb, and their both getting full now...

Good times, eh?

Night.

I think

Maybe I should start planning my time ahead so I do have time to write a proper blog post in the night.

So, I'm officially an ASDA employee now. I've finished my induction course. I've got some computer thing to do on Saturday, then I get all my shifts. I was supposed to find all that out today, but the managers were in a meeting, so none could come down and talk to us.

Oh well.

Anyway, I'm pretty nervous about going out and actually working. It's my first job so I'm guessing that's too be expected, but I can't help it. I'm naturally a shy person, but I guess all of that'll change pretty soon, right?

Anyway,

hoping everyone had a great day. Mine wasn't amazing, but it was okay...

Night!

So, I survived my first day of my induction

We didn't do much. We basically did a lot of paperwork and did some Health and Safety.

I met some real nice people though, I was speaking to the staff, and now that you're not just a potential candidate and actual staff they treat you different. Like, when we went around the colleague canteen on the magic session, they were kind of hostile towards you, but today, people were really nice to me.

But yeah, today was my first day being paid to turn up somewhere. Though, I'm not actually getting paid until the 19th of December. Right in time for Christmas, right?

Anyway,

Can't talk for long, it's quite late and I didn't really sleep all that well last night....

Hoping everyone had a good day...

Night!

So, tomorrow

Is my induction day for work. I haven't really given it all that much thought, but now that I am, I'm really quite nervous.

You know, first impressions and all?

But yeah, so I woke up feeling like crap, considering that I drank like a LOAD last night. I got served for my first underage drink.

That sounds quite bad, doesn't it?

It was a great party though. I really enjoyed. Though, I do have a party next week too, and I'm not sure if I want to go or not. It's not that I don't like the person. I'm just conscious of the fact that my family doesn't have endless amounts of money to go spending for me drinking.

And I don't really want to be dressing up....

Anyway,

Hoping things are going okay for everyone else...

Night!

I'd forgotten

How funny Naruto could be sometimes.

You see, I go through phases with Naruto, like once every year, I like to see how the series is doing, catch up on everything I've missed, obsess over it for a while, then move on with my life until I get the next random urge to see how the show is doing.

And, at the moment, this is that phase. It's something that comes natural when you've been a fan of the show for 6 years...

I'd forgotten how funny some of the episodes could get. I mean, half of it was unintentional, but then there intentional ones are quite funny too. I mean, I will admit to being a Narutard. I love Naruto, it's just there's only so much Naruto you can take at one go. So, I tend to go through my phases and then not really bother that much with it for a while and then go back to it when curiosity gets to me.

I tend to go off the phases when there's not much really going on in the manga. If there's nothing going on in the manga, I will stop reading it, and then in a few weeks, I'll see what's going on, and if it looks interesting, I'll go from where I left it, and slug through the uninteresting to the interesting.

I guess every show has it's moments, right?

Anyway,

So, I was watching the English dubbed Shippuden, and I have to be honest, it's not all that bad. I mean, I expected it to be quite bad, I mean, I'd heard that it wasn't all that good, and I'd never really been all that bothered with checking the English version out. It was actually a lot better than what I was expecting it to be. I mean, admittedly, Sakura's voice actress isn't all that good. But she wasn't all that good in the original...

Naruto's voice is better in the Japanese version, but Maile Flanagan's version is really good too. I like the different takes on Naruto's voice.

Anyway, that's all I'm going to be talking about for today.

When the show eventually finishes. I mean, it doesn't seem like it's going to end all too soon. I mean, I guess it's the type of show that you can do a lot with. The same thing, I can't agree on with Bleach. I went off of Bleach mainly because of the fact that the manga had become so boring and, even though it seemed to be ending, it wasn't. I mean, the last time I checked, it was still on the war thing that started like two years ago. I like to watch/read things that keep up a pace and doesn't linger on something for too long.

Another thing that's really rubbing me the wrong way at the moment is bestselling books. Especially in fiction. I find that most of them are the same. All of them seem to be vampire stories.

I will admit, I do like a vampire story every once in a while, but when it's the only thing available in the bestsellers I find that the story is just so unoriginal. I mean, can't anyone think of anything new?

Oh, well, it'll change soon, hopefully.

Anyway, I'm not sure if I'll be blogging tomorrow. I'm in a party.

It's Jordan's 18th, so I'm not sure about what times I'll be finishing...

Night!

My blog posts

Seem to be showing back up in my viewer thingy again. Not that I missed them, it's just that they haven't been showing up now for like a month and I know I've been blogging, and I've checked the link where I post them too, and their showing up on the blogger website, so I just don't know what was going on there.

At least they're showing up now, right?

One thing that I'm doing at the moment is writing faster than I can think, I think that's a bad idea, because as I'm thinking it's coming up on the page and I've never been able to do that before. I guess my words per minute thing is increasing, or maybe my fingers are just in the typing zone today.

Too bad my inspiration didn't follow it.

So, as you probably know by my constant repetitive-ness.

I'm always tired.

Yep.

Always.

When my mum woke me up this morning, I just went straight back to sleep until 7:40 when she called me to see if I had gotten up or not. I then had 20 minutes to eat breakfast and get ready for school.

I only barely managed it in time.

I've been too tired all day in school to really pay attention to what the hell was going on around me.

But anyway,

And now I've lost my train of thought because I went to check some Naruto stuff....

Hope everyone is having a good day/night/morning whatever, I'm honestly too tired to care at the moment.

And I'm going to be buying my Harry Potter 7 tickets on Saturday. Super excited! Well, as excited as you can be when you're falling asleep as you're typing....

Night!

So, NaNoWriMo

Isn't exactly going as planned, I should be at my half way point nearly, but I've only written like 2,000 words.

I just don't have the time to write, I'm getting the ideas now. My characters just seem to be doing what they want to be and I reel them in occasionally when I find that they want to make a story of their own. But I've got the rest of it under control.

It's just keeping up with the word count now that I'm so behind.

So, admittedly. I'm going to keep going, of course. I'm not going to give up. I've just acknowledged that I'm never going to make the 50,000 word mark.

And I'm not going to cheat it either. Because I don't win by cheating it.

So, drawing to the conclusion that NaNo 2010 is not a winner. I'm writing at my own pace, and even though I'm not getting a lot done, I know mainly what's going on in my story. I know what Danny's going to go through to an extent, and I know how I'm going to end it.

Also, is being completely and utterly terrified of starting my first job normal? I mean, I've been thinking about it, and I'm totally terrified. I'm going into a job that I have no experience of, it's already a well-established company. There are expectations and I'm scared I won't be able to keep up with them. I'm scared to disappoint them.

Gah, just the thought of doing my first shift sends jitters down my spine.

Anyway,

I hope no one else is as scared as me for starting their new jobs...

Night!

There is a reason

As to why I didn't blog yesterday.

It's actually the first time I've consciously decided not to blog whilst being at home.

The reason being. Yesterday I got a job. In ASDA. I am now going to be a Counter Assistant. I'm not exactly sure if I'm going to be a Christmas Temp, or Permanent. Seeing as though, I originally applied for a job as a Shop Floor Assistant, then I got an Interview for working as a Cafe Assistant, then I got a phone call saying I got a job as a Counter Assistant.

Yesterday was a crazy day.

Did I also mention at 9 last night, we get a phone call from my brother who's in University up in Cardiff, that he's ill and he wants to come home. So, I was up last night keeping an eye over the house and the kids, making sure that we didn't get any burglars and stuff.

So, I wasn't going to bed until real late last night.

Anyway.

So, it's been a pretty busy week.

NaNoWriMo isn't going all that well either. I'm like majourly behind, and I don't think I'm going to catch up. My chapters are really short.

I don't know what the Hell I want to do with it.

School is stressing me out.

I'm scared about starting my job...

Hopefully things will work out in the end.

Hoping everyone else is having a good time.

Night!

Did I forget to mention

That I wasn't going to be posting yesterday because I was at a party?

Well, I guess now you now where I've been right? At least this time I managed to stay relatively sober...

Another thing I've been doing is keeping up with my Naruto. Well, catching up with my Naruto. I felt this random need to watch the Pain vs Naruto fight, because it was pretty epic in manga format. So, I was curious.

I've ended up almost watching all the latest episodes. I've been attempting to avoid filler, but sometimes it's impossible to miss them...

Oh well,

hopefully everyone else had a good weekend...

Night!

I have made a pretty pathetic attempt

At NaNoWriMo.

So, I totally had the night pegged for a night of nano-ing, but I got this really random urge to watch The Hole again. It's probably like one of the best films I've seen in 2010. I watch a lot of films, so it's come up pretty high.

So, for the past couple of days, I've been wondering about what I was going to write for NaNoWriMo, I think I have the more basic of things that are going to happen throughout the story. I've got my ending, for sure.

I think the ending is pretty cool in my opinion. Kind of like how I got the ending to Remember (DYRM) from the beginning. Well, more or less the beginning. I knew how I wanted it all to end pretty early on in the writing process.

Anyway, it's gotten pretty late now, so I'm going to update my writing status on NaNo then go to bed...

Night!

Thus concludes

Another day of Non-NaNo writing.

I don't know what's gotten into me, maybe I just can't find the inspiration to write the story. It's different than with writing DYRM (or should I call it Remember, now that it's in the revision stages?), I had nothing to work with and just wrote, now that I'm writing the sequel, it's not that I don't think that I've ran out of idea, Gosh no, I've got plenty of ideas. It's just the whole, how am I going to branch these ideas out over the span on 50,000 words.

I'm sure when the huge inspiration hits me, I'll be writing like the clappers, though, I don't currently think that the inspiration is going to hit me at all.

So, I'm not sure if I want to keep going with NaNo, it's not like I want to quit, no way, it's just that currently, I don't seem to be able to find the time. If I ever manage to get to a NaNo meet-up in Swansea, then I'll ask for help... I'm sure someone will be able to help me, right?

Anyway,

Hope everyone else's NaNo-ing is going okay... or better than mine, anyway...

Night!

I haven't actually

Written anything for NaNoWriMo today, which probably puts me back a load!

You see, it's kinda a mixed reason as to why I haven't posted anything today. First off, I had a job interview in Asda today, and I was too nervous before hand to do any writing, and I was reading Paul Hoffman's The Left Hand of God.

Then, after it, I just couldn't find the inspiration to write it, and I can't force myself to write something because it just comes out bad...

Anyway, hoping everyone else is doing great!

Night!

So, it's day 2 of NaNoWriMo

And I'm already really, really far behind.

Maybe I should have planned all this out a little better before jumping the shark and just writing. It doesn't seem to have worked.

I'm on chapter 2 of my story now, and it's only 2,361 words long. But I like to believe that the beginnings of my stories are always going to be relatively short before growing in length, like, at the moment, I have 8 pages, and that's the Prologue, Chapter 1 and Chapter 2, whereas 8 pages would usually only be one chapter.

And I'm thinking of going to the Library on Saturday to do some catching up. One of the reasons I'm behind is because I've been doing school work.

Anyway,

Hopefully everyone's been having a good NaNoWriMo time, or even if you're not part of it, I hope your having a good time...

Night!

Chapter 36 + 37. Now a finished draft!

So, here's the finished product guys! Gah, I've just successfully finished my first novel!

Though, currently I'm running into trouble about what I'm doing to do in the sequel, I'll think about it more when I go to sleep...

Anyway, I hope you enjoy the ending....

Night!

Chapter 36

I awoke to the sound of my cell opening. Blinking rapidly, I looked up through the dim lighting to find someone standing over me.

The person above me gave no indication that he knew I was awake. He gave me a rough shove, and picked me up.

“Hey, where are you taking me?” I asked.

“None of your business.” He replied, I looked around the room to find that Jesse and Hayley were still sleeping, though their sleeping faces did not look peaceful at all.

The person slammed me down on a chair in a brightly lit room, I went to cover my eyes, but they were grabbed by the person, who I could now see was a man, and tied them up behind me on the chair.

As my eyes adjusted, I looked around the room; there was nothing in the room, besides the man and me.

The door opened at the far end of the room opened, letting a man of his early forties to enter. Though I did not recognise the body at first, having never seen him in such light before, I recognised him the second he turned to face me.

Nicholas.

“Ah, Danny, nice to see you up so early.” He sneered looking at me.

“I’m not sure it’s that nice seeing you.” I replied. The man beside my punched me hard across the cheek. The chair swayed slightly, but didn’t topple over, thankfully.

“Now, Danny, there are a few ways we can do this.” Nicholas said, his mixed accent coming in a drawl. “The first way is the nice way. The cooperative way. That way, we don’t have to kick your ass that much.

“And the second way, is the painful way. The more you defy, the more painful it gets.” He finished.

I gulped.

“Is that clear?” He asked tauntingly.

“Yes, sir.” I replied.

“Good.” He smiled at me, showing me his white teeth. “So, what about our deal?”

I remained silent.

“Well, I guess you chose your path.” His smile grew even wider if possible.

From the cells in which Jesse and Hayley sat, screams of terror and pain could be heard.

“It’s started again.” Hayley whispered, tears weeping from her eyes.

“Yeah.” Was the only thing Jesse could manage to utter. His dark eyes widening art the sounds coming from the room.

“We can’t find him, Jamie. Where’s he gone?” Maggie shouted, her voice reaching hysteria.

“How am I supposed to know?” Jamie shouted back. She hated lying to them. She thought Danny would be back by now, he said he wouldn’t be gone that long. She still had hope that he’ll make it back. She knew he’d come back. He’d come back last time.

“Inspector Malcolm? Yes, it’s Maggie Smith.” Maggie talked in the calmest voice she could muster. Her nerves had gone haywire. Danny had been missing for over a day now. They didn’t know where he’d gone. She was worried.

“Yes, we can’t find him.” Maggie said.

“What do you mean, can’t find him?” Inspector Malcolm asked.

“He’s gone. Disappeared.” Maggie said, tears leaking from the corners of her eyes.

“I’ll be right over.” He replied, hanging up the phone, not giving Maggie time to reply to him.

“What were you arguing over?” Inspector Malcolm asked. He’d been filled in on most of the events that lead to Danny disappearing.

“We were arguing over his drug use. He was trying to sneak away, I stopped him.” Jamie said, her voice steady and calm.

“Okay.” Malcolm replied. There wasn’t really much he could say to the girl. It wasn’t her fault; after all, she was only trying to look out for her brother.

“Have you heard anything from Mrs Connors?” Maggie asked. They’d tried ringing her before, but there wasn’t an answer at home. Maggie was hoping that Danny had gone to her, though she knew that it was highly unlikely.

“No, we’re sending people around there later on to see what’s going on with her.” Malcolm replied.

“Okay.” Maggie answered methodically. This last two days were not going well at all, just when she thought she could start relaxing, that Danny had been cleared from his trial, he was settling down, he’d been studying hard over the course of the week to make up for lost time in school. Then, something like this had to go and happen.

“When was the last time you’d heard from Mrs Connors?” Malcolm asked.

“Um, about a week ago now. When Danny went to see her last.” Maggie replied, it was strange that Danny had never mentioned any return appointments, and that she’d not had any calls from Mrs Connors to confirm with her that the times were okay. She hadn’t really given it all that much thought because of what was going on with her life currently.

“Well, we’ll keep you updated.” Malcolm said.

“Would you like something to drink?” Maggie asked, turning around to the kitchen to get herself a drink.

“Yes, please.”

“Anything in particular?”

“I’m not fussed about what I drink.” Malcolm replied, sitting himself down on the chair in the living room.

The screams had slowly died down.

“He refused them again.” Hayley whispered.

“Memories or not, he’s definitely not lost his stubbornness.” Jesse said, attempting to make light of the situation. He hated to be so depressed all the time. He just wanted people to be happy, though happiness didn’t come too often when you were trapped here.

“Yeah, I hope they haven’t hurt him too much.” Hayley said.

“They wouldn’t have done anything too serious, they need him.” Jesse assured.

“Yeah, that’s the only reason Danny managed to live through a year of this.”

An hour passed and an unconscious Danny was thrown back into his cell, landing awkwardly on the mat. No one made any indication that they were going to straighten him out, and walked out of the room.

Hayley and Jesse crawled up to the bars that separated them from Danny and looked at him. He was bloodied, his body covered in cuts and bruises. There was blood running freely out of his nose and mouth, and his arms were black and blue.

It definitely looked like Danny would not be waking up soon.

Another hour or two passed, Hayley and Jesse couldn’t tell, and Danny finally made sounds of stirring.

“Danny?” Jesse whispered through the cage.

“Yeah?” A croaky voice answered.

“You okay, man?” He asked, concerned for Danny’s health.

“Everything hurts.” Was Danny’s small and simple reply.

They didn’t know how to answer that.

Everything was painful. I’d got my memories from this time of my life back clearly, but obviously the pain was something that I couldn’t quite relate too. I could vaguely hear Hayley and Jesse trying to make conversation with me, but I didn’t have enough energy anymore to reply to them. I wanted to go back to sleep.

Darkness soon followed.

I woke up again from a restless slumber. It’s hard to get comfortable when everything hurts.

“Hey, guys?” I croaked, raising my body from the awkward position I’d been sleeping in.

“Yeah?” They answered back eagerly.

“What was my life like before any of this happened?” I asked.

There was a silence.

“You weren’t exactly the smartest kid around. The one thing you should pride yourself in was your loyalty. You were loyal to us through everything. We can see that hasn’t changed even though you’re memories have gone. You didn’t abandon us.” Hayley commented.

“I’d never abandon you.” I assured them.

“We know that.” Hayley replied.

“You were naïve, you placed so much trust in the people around you, and most of the time they threw that trust out of the window. You got a hard time from Simon, but everyone else was all right with you. You went relatively unnoticed.” Jesse continued.

“And what about my powers?” I asked.

“You tried to hide them from us at first. You started off the fighting on your own. It wasn’t that you were ashamed. From the moment that you got them, and started getting into fights over your powers, you knew that it was going to be a dangerous life to live.” Hayley said.

“Yeah, but we found out after a few months. You’re other side was beginning to get more and more famous. There was an incident, we were involved, and you were involved. They forced you to fight us to save our lives. Of course, you being you, changed in front of us. We’ve known since and have been helping you get control of your powers.” Jesse finished, a small smile gracing his face.

“Things got pretty dark though. We got involved when we were thirteen, things got steadily darker over the course of two years. We started discovering things. People got into more trouble, it seemed the more trouble people got into, the more famous Istari got, and the more complicated it got for you to keep it all a secret.

“We were just a group of kids, you were just one magician fighting off more than what any normal teenager should be fighting. You started to become submissive. You’re powers were growing rapidly. So fast, that you’re body couldn’t keep up, and you were getting tension headaches, and you’re body would be in pain all the time. We didn’t know who to go to, you had few friends in the magician world. They had never experienced something like this before.” Hayley continued.

“Then, all this weird stuff got even weirder, and before we knew it, we were at the camp, and you got into a fight with Nicholas and his men. We’d only heard of his power, we’d never fought him before. He overpowered you pretty quickly. We were kidnapped then. We’ve been here ever since.” Jesse finished. I guess this was the closest I’d had to a life history since getting back home.

“So, Danny, tell us about you’re life since escaping here.” Hayley said, a hint of a laugh on her voice. It’s glad to see they can still laugh even after being here for so long.

“Not much.” I replied.

“Oh, come on, something must have happened there.” She insisted.

“Nothing important, maybe you’ll find out when you get back.” I said vaguely. I didn’t really feel like telling them all about my problems I was definitely going to have to face when I get back.

“I have to ask one thing though, Danny.” Hayley said quietly.

“What’s that?”

“How did you ever manage to convince Maggie to leave you alone long enough to come and get us? Did you tell her about Istari?” She asked.

“No. I didn’t. I let them think I ran away. Jamie helped.” I said, looking at the cold, concrete floor.

They didn’t reply. I guess that wasn’t a good answer.

Chapter 37

We weren’t sure about how much time had gone past, but Hayley and Jesse estimated it to be around two weeks. They had, over time, noticed a routine to the way everything had worked around her and had estimated around 14 days since I’d been ‘re-captured’.

Though, we weren’t being as restless as they thought we were being.

Everyday, I’d go into that damned white room, get the shit beaten out of me, and return me to the cell.

In the few waking hours of my current life, I’d spent it getting the plan run over with Hayley and Jesse. They knew what was going to happen of sorts now.

One thing I had noticed over the first week was that there was something in the food making me weaker. Hayley and Jesse said that those precautions hadn’t been taken before. So, I’d stopped eating my food, I’d swap with either Hayley or Jesse, and they’d get my food, I’d pass it through the bars to them.

It didn’t seem to have an effect on them.

It was nearly time.  My powers were nearly ready, and I could feel it zipping through my body. I’m pretty sure that Nicholas and his men were beginning to get suspicious of us, they kept checking on us more and more often. So, that just meant, getting out of here fast and closing the portal.

Nicholas came to get me for my daily ‘meeting’ as he’d called it. It was another chance to redeem myself and tell him the information that I’d told him I knew, but in reality I didn’t have the slightest clue of.

I’d always give the same answer. That I wasn’t going to give him anything unless he let my friends go. He wasn’t willing to let them go without the information. We’d come to stalemate, and he seemed to have the advantage in the home territory.

The beatings were always the same. I could never really get used to them though, every bone in my body ached in pain, and my head throbbed, my body spasmed. He’s started to use electricity now, thinking of shocking me into revealing the truth.

The only problem that there wasn’t any truth to tell. I knew he’d come after me, and that worried me. I didn’t know what I would do if he came back for me again, especially if he knew that I didn’t have the answer.

Hayley and Jesse sat on their respective mattresses on the floor. Both with a grim expression on their faces.

“He’s getting quieter.” Jesse commented.

“I know.” Hayley responded. “There’s not much we can do. He’s determined to get us out of here, no matter how much pain he goes through.”

“I wish he didn’t have to do this.” Jesse continued.

“It’s who is. It’s who he’ll always be.”

“It’s not who I want him to be. He should have a chance at a normal life.” Jesse whispered.

“I don’t think, normalcy is something that’s going to come easy for him. Especially with how famous Istari was before he was taken. I wonder how that’s going over.” Haley replied, busying herself with looking around the room. She wanted to make sure nothing was left behind, though this was a pointless routine as there was nothing for her to take home.

“Do you think he’ll manage it?” Jesse asked.

“I think he will, but he’ll put us first, as per usual.” Hayley replied. She looked at the floor, tears creeping up on her. “I worry about him sometimes, Jesse, it’s just not fair.”

“It’ll never be fair. That’s just the life he’s been thrown into. He’ll understand one day, that he’ll be an image of perseverance, that he’ll be idolised for what he stands for. People will want to thank him for all he’s done for them.”

“I’m not sure if I agree with that. I think people would rather point out his flaws that congratulate his bravery.”

“That’s just being cynical.”

“When have I not been cynical?”

“Good point.”

“It’s time.” I said to Hayley and Jesse. I’d not long woken up, but something was telling me that now was the time to go.

“Are you sure?” Hayley asked hesitantly.

“Yes, something’s telling me now’s the time.” I replied. Channelling power into my arms and turning myself into Istari, I walked up to the bars between my friends and me, and pulled them apart, leaving a gap in the room.

I walked into the cell that Hayley and Jesse had been living in for the last year, it definitely wasn’t something I was going to miss.

“Going to miss it?” I asked.

“Not really.” They replied together.

“Okay, here we go.” I said. I focused all my powers again, focusing on creating the portal. This was it, a rush of excitement overcame me, and we were going home! I never thought I’d be excited to getting back to Maggie, Jim and Jamie.  The portal opened up in front of us, settling itself against the wall of the cell. “Okay, guys, you first.”

“You’ll be behind us, right?” Hayley asked.

“Yes,” I reassured her.

“Okay, lets go.” Hayley and Jesse said, walking through the portal to their first signs of freedom.

“You didn’t really think that I’d let you get away that easily, did you?” It was Nicholas. I should have checked that there was no one looking when I started making the portal.

“Kinda, yeah, that’s what I was hoping for.” I replied to him.

“You need to learn manners, Daniel. It’s not good to be so rude to people.” Nicholas sneered at me.

“I’m guessing people never told you that he was rude to torture people.” I told him.

“No, I guess not.” He said smugly. A staff appeared in his left hand. He wanted to fight.

I called forth my sword; the silver glistened in the lighting. Nicholas took the first swing, his staff lighting up purple; ad a beam of energy came shooting out at me. I narrowly dodged the blast. I looked at the portal. It was closing, I couldn’t waste much time here or I’d be stuck again. They’d definitely make sure I didn’t have my powers then.

Running at Nicholas, I swiped at him with my sword, he blocked the onslaught with his staff, and shot an energy beam at me at the same time.

“This is why you’ll never beat me. You have no experience. You’re nothing in comparison to me.” He shouted, a maniacal laughter following after him.

“You’re wrong. I will beat you.” I shouted, charging at him for a second time. I feinted to the left, he parried my blow, and I did the same to the right, and got the same result.

“Damn,” I hissed, some old wounds from the previous days were starting to open and blood was starting to run down my back. This needed to end now. The underlying question was how? I needed to get rid of him, make sure he would never come back for my friends, anything, or me again. That would mean killing him; I could never kill him, even after everything he’s put me through.

I guess morals don’t count now.

Nicholas charged at me this time, his staff pointed out. I noticed that he had a wait whilst his staff was channelling his energy before it fired at me. Okay, I can do this.

The energy beam shot out and I dodged it. I looked at Nicholas, and saw that he drew back into a defensive position.

Charging at him, he blocked. Repeating the motions I’d done last time, I charged at him again. I landed a blow. I scraped his right arm. Nothing serious, he would recover pretty quickly.

This was not what I was looking for though; I was waiting for him to go on the offensive.

Whilst I’d been making my attacks, I’d been slowly conducting some of my power through my sword. Building up some energy into it, I was hoping and praying that what I’d planned in my head would work just as well in life.

Nicholas moved to the offensive again, pulling his arm out and leaning to attack. I saw my opening and charged at him.

A look of shock took over his face as he saw me approaching, my sword glowing blue with my immense power I’d surged into it at last second. My sword went right through his stomach, and Nicholas’s face paled.

“You stabbed me.” He stated, looking at me in the eye, his eyes turning purple.

“I’m not done yet.”  I told him. Looking him in the eye, I let loose the power, causing an explosion.

I distantly heard Nicholas’s scream, but I was being propelled backwards from the sheet force of the blow I’d dealt. Energy was pulsating through me, and I looked around for the portal, noticing it was barely there, and ran for it.

“Danny? Are you okay?” I heard a voice calling to me.

“Sure.” I replied, opening my eyes and looking around. I was on the beach. I wasn’t sure where the portal was going to take them, I’d only thought of going home.

Hayley and Jesse stood over me, I could finally see their faces properly, and it made me smile. Jesse’s dark skin gleamed in the sunlight. His dark eyes shining with what I hoped was happiness. Hayley’s pale face and green eyes started at me.

I was happy.

“What happened back there?” Jesse asked.

“Nicholas got to me.” I said.

“Shit. Is he coming?” Jesse cursed.

“No. At least I hope not, especially not after that explosion I put on him.” I smiled.

“So, that’s why we heard this huge explosion. It was you. We thought that something had gone wrong with the portal.” Hayley commented.

“Was it loud?” I asked.

“Loud enough to wake the dead.” She replied, grinning.

“Shit.”

“Did you hear that?” Jamie asked, looking around the room.

“Yeah, what was that?” Maggie replied, looking over to Jim in confusion. He looked back at her with the same expression.

“Sounded like it came from the beach.” He commented.

“Should we go look?” Jamie asked.

“Yeah, someone might need help.” Jim replied, picking up the car keys from the table.

“Oh, my God, it’s them.” I heard someone whisper.

“He got them back.” I heard another whisper. A large group seemed to have formed in the few minutes since I’d woken up. Luckily, I wasn’t in Danny Istari form. It seems like I changed back on the way out of the portal.

“I don’t think he would have done it alone. Maybe Danny Istari went with them.” I looked at all the people around us. Most of them were smiling at us, and others were looking at us suspiciously.

“Danny?” I looked around and there was Jamie, beaming down at us. I stood up to see her.

“Jamie!” I shouted. Hayley and Jesse turned around to look at her too. Both were smiling brightly.

Jamie ran and hugged all of us.

“Danny.” Maggie said, looking at me with tears in her eyes.

It looked like this was going to be a long hour or so.

The sun was setting by the time that the crowds had thinned out, Maggie and Jim were insistent on taking me to the hospital, I’d told them that as I’d ran away, Danny Istari had found me and told me he was going back to get Hayley and Jesse. He asked me if I wanted to join him, knowing how important they were to me. This all ultimately led to me telling them that I got tortured again, with Istari.

They freaked out and demanded that they take me to the hospital to have me checked out.

I was walking to the car, smiling softly thinking about how I might actually have a chance to get to know Hayley and Jesse a bit better now. Get my memories back. Try to be normal, though, deep down, I knew there was never going to be any normalcy for me.

“Danny Istari,” a male voice said to me from behind. I turned around to face him. I didn’t recognize him. He wore a long trench coat and a pair of dark trousers; he was an old looking man. I didn’t feel that there were any magical powers on him. He was normal. Behind him, was a group of men, equally wearing long trench coats and dark trousers. None of them seemed to be magical of any sort either. Weird. “We are the Resistance.”

To be continued…